My dental hygienist retired after working 55 years... All she got was a lousy plaque...
Acting is magical. Change your look and your attitude, and you can be anyone.
China has more English speakers than the United States
you leave town on friday, you leave the next town on friday you go home on friday. How is this possible?
One of the top five regrets people have is that they didn't have the courage to be their true self.
Sculpting
Have a bar or coffee shop that my friends and I are regulars at
In the classic animated movie "The Little Mermaid," Ariel's best friend is a fish named what?
What do you call a pachyderm that sings jazz? Elephants Gerald
The only South East Asian country that has never been colonized by a Western Power is Thailand
On the classic TV series "The Brady Bunch,"what is the name of the Brady family dog?
Happiness is a virtue, not its reward.
I am here but yet am not standing in your doorway i am always here for you what am i?
Put a piece of kitchen roll in with your bag of leaves to make them last longer.
Makeup
Dye Easter eggs
Why did the melon try so hard to get her father's approval? Because she cant-aloupe
The fear of burglars is not only the fear of being robbed, but also the fear of a sudden and unexpected clutch out of the darkness.
The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley
A caramel candy brand since 1903,Werther's Original is named after a town in the Westphalia region of what country?
When you look around and don't see anyone you respect, its time to leave.
Cruise the Yangtze River
Gold prospecting
what has eyes but cant see
Japanese research has concluded that moderate drinking can boost IQ levels
On December 21, 1864, General Sherman's famous "March to the Sea" concluded with the capture of what Southern city?
What is the ardent task of searching for a new wallpaper called? Running a Background Check.
President Bush in his inaugural address talked about bringing freedom to countries that don't have it. He didn't specify how.
There was 2 fathers and 2 sons that went fishing...they each caught a fish, but there's only 3 fish, why?
There is no reason at all to believe that White Wine is any different to water when it comes to removing Red Wine stains.
Eat surstromming
Cue sports
On Home Depot's web site, "islands" are items marked for what room of the house?
Riding a motorcycle on today's highways, you have to ride in a very defensive manner. You have to be a good rider and you have to have both hands and both feet on the controls at all times.
A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Mechanics
Dive to the Christ of the Abyss
Plant a tree.
gravity what a power it has on planet earth. it hits you on the head day by day and you complain. I come in many shapes and sizes, and melt away. what am i?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because of the silent P.
In 1836, Mexican General Santa Anna held an elaborate state funeral for his amputated leg. updated
A breakthrough in fashion,"jeggings" are leggings designed to look like what?
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
Visit the Doctor Who Museum
Sculling
What passes through glass without breaking it?
I have a great deal of company in the house, especially in the morning when nobody calls.
What do you call a chicken crossed with a cow? Cock-a-doodle-moo!
Men in their early twenties shave an average of four times a week
Drink a glass of water before meals.
A child starting kindergarten in September of 2010 will ordinarily graduate from high school in what year?
Go into low orbit
Longboarding
A man was found hanging himself in a room. All that is left in this room is a puddle of water. this man could not reach the ceiling to hang himself. How did the man hang himself?
In the acronym SRS, a common term for automobile airbags,the letter "R" stands for what?
Why did the chess master order a Russian bride? He needed a Chech mate!
I live in a kind of gay bubble. I live in a gay house, I drive a gay car. I eat gay food.
A rooster laid an egg on a aframe tin roof which way does the egg roll?
44% of kids watch television before they go to sleep
Don't eat non-snow-coloured snow.
Visit the Big Lobster
Shopping
Three simple words - freedom, justice and honesty. These sum up what the Liberal Democrats stand for.
Pitcher Darold Knowles once pitched all seven games of one World Series
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in the mud.
Three Couples are stranded on this island and wanted to go to the next island they had a boat but it only holds two people at a time the men couldn't leave there wives behind how would all three couples get to the next island
A breakthrough in fashion,"jeggings" are leggings designed to look like what?
Take time once in a while to look up at the stars for at least 5 minutes, in order to comprehend your cosmic significance.
Get a six pack and/or killer biceps
Playing musical instruments
Each year there are approximately 20 billion coconuts produced worldwide
Secure our borders first. Let us know and let us make sure the American people know that we're taking care of the important business of dealing with the illegal immigration into this country. You cannot begin to address the concerns of the people who are already here unless and until you have made certain that no more are coming in behind them.
My dog chewed up my laptop... I guess he wanted a byte to eat!
In the children's classic "Goodnight Moon," what is the last thing that is bid "Goodnight"?
in eyes they are week with many they seek in you they apper but the truth they fear
Go island hopping in the Caribbean
The person who never made a mistake never made anything.
Surfing
Spend the night in a ryokan
Just wrote a book on reverse psychology... Don't read it!
A 1985 North Atlantic expedition led by Robert Ballard discovered the wreck of what famous ship 73 years after it sank?
You have riches and freedom here but I feel no sense of faith or direction. You have so many computers, why don't you use them in the search for love?
Pucks hit by hockey sticks have reached speeds of up to 150 miles per hour
Sociology
Good things come to those who wait.
I am always hungry, I must always be fed, The finger I touch, Will soon turn red
A bill of fare is more commonly known as a what?
Why was the math book sad? It had a lot of problems
Japanese research has concluded that moderate drinking can boost IQ levels
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
How do you take 1 from 19 to equal 20, without using negatives????
Everything matters, but nothing matters that much.
Anime
Attend the Edinburgh Tattoo
I think 'Family Guy' and 'American Dad' have definitely staked out their own style and territory, and now the accusations are coming that 'The Simpsons' is taking jokes from 'Family Guy.' And I can tell you, that ain't the case.
In 1810, Peter Durand invented the tin can for preserving food
What is the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.
On HBO's "Entourage," movie star Vincent Chase stars in all but which of these fictional movies?
Give up your seat for someone who needs it.
Sports science
Get a tattoo
A pipe, a slug, a can of wax, a car, a star, a jar, an ax, water that's shallow, water that's deep, a man awake, a man asleep, a great big boat, a peice of ice, a fig, a wig, a pizza slice, a mat, a bat, a cat, a bike, how are these things all alike?
A 1952 episode of "I Love Lucy was titled "Lucy Is Enceinte" because what English word was censored?
I'm no politician. I'm an historian who has learned through a lifetime of studying that nothing in the world beats universal education.
There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't.
A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine
I walk all day on my head. What am I?
It's not about who likes you, it's about who you like.
Watching television
Attend a traditional American kegger
The second best selling game of all time is Jenga. Jenga is a Swahili word, meaning "to build."
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken didn't exist.
The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn't let them into the family brokerage business.
In the classic story "Peter Pan," what does Wendy use to reattach Peter's shadow?
Some of life's best lessons are learnt at the worst times.
Archery
Go kite-surfing
There is a man pushing his car. He stops at a hotel and goes bankrupt. Why does he go bankrupt?
The longest distance a deepwater lobster has been recorded to travel is 225 miles
I bought a duckdoo yesterday! 'What's a duckdoo?' "quack, quack"
In the classic TV special, Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer befriends an elf who wants to be a what?
History tells us that America does best when the private sector is energetic and entrepreneurial and the government is attentive and engaged. Who among us, really, would, looking back, wish to edit out either sphere at the entire expense of the other?
Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?
Look people in the eye.
Go Christmas caroling
Listening to podcasts
If you don't ask, you don't get.
Why did the Fall break off from all the other seasons? Because it wanted autumnomy
A bill of fare is more commonly known as a what?
There are three faithful friends - an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
There is a house. That house has 4 walls. Each wall has a window. Each window is facing south. A bear walks by the house. What color is the bear?
Macadamia nuts are not sold in their shells because it takes 300 pounds per square inch of pressure to break the shell
Attend Space Camp
Hydroponics
What is black, white, and red all over? A Communist Propaganda film from the 1930s.
In the classic story "Peter Pan," what does Wendy use to reattach Peter's shadow?
Pitcher Darold Knowles once pitched all seven games of one World Series
Classical plays require more imagination and more general training to be able to do. That's why I like playing Shakespeare better than anything else.
What is greater than God Eviler than the devil Hotter than the son and Longer than eternity
You never really grow up.
Eat escargot in France
Cosplaying
Almonds on the tree; Amonds off the tree cause to get them off the tree you hafta shake the "L" out of them!
Last weekend,Derek and Joey were camping,and around midnight,while they were having s'mores,Joey bet Derek that in exactly 1 week it eould not be sunny. Joey knows that he will win the bet. How does he know?
By and large, the critics and readers gave me an affirmed sense of my identity as a writer. You might know this within yourself, but to have it affirmed by others is of utmost importance. Writing is, after all, a form of communication.
In the classic animated movie "The Little Mermaid," Ariel's best friend is a fish named what?
In 1865, the U.S. Secret Service was first established for the specific purpose to combat the counterfeiting of money
No "brand" is your friend.
Drink at The Clinic Bar
Public transport riding
Men in their early twenties shave an average of four times a week
A 2011 box set celebrates the 13-film collaboration between composer Danny Elfman and what film director?
What do you get when you sit on a potato? A potato wedge!
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
there are 3 words in the english language that end in g-r-y. angry and hungry are 2 of them! what is the 3rd? the 3rd is used by every one everyday! and if you read this again carefully, u will see the answer!
You never really grow up.
Have something I do go viral
Lacrosse
Attend a live polo match
What's a reporter's favorite food? Ice cream because they always want a scoop!
The Tonle Sap River in Cambodia flows north for almost half the year and then south for the rest of the year
what comes first and follows after, ends life, kills laughter?
Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.
Age is of no importance, unless you are a cheese.
A child starting kindergarten in September of 2010 will ordinarily graduate from high school in what year?
Groundhopping
What is H.P. Lovecraft's cook book called? The Necronomnomnomicon.
The word "comet" comes from the Greek word "kometes" meaning long hair and referring to the tail
On the Internet, the abbreviation "LOL" typically denotes which of these emotional states?
I don't know why I've always been so captivated by architecture.
The anwser is yes but it means no.what is the question?
What could you increase? What could you reduce?
Knife making
Attend the Highland Games
Age is of no importance, unless you are a cheese.
On an '80s TV series, a plucky orphan named Penelope Brewster was better known as what?
what is the color of the American gray horse?
Have a very Joseph Christmas! We shouldn't discriminate by sex, you know.
A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine
Loyalty and friendship, which is to me the same, created all the wealth that I've ever thought I'd have.
Archaeology
Take a Quokka selfie
It's always the quiet ones.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely... if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
On average,a healthy person's resting heart rate falls into which of these ranges of "beats per minute"?
Who was the only novelist with both direction and magnitude? Vector Hugo.
My first is in tea but not in leaf My second is in teapot and also in teeth My third is in caddy but not in cosy My fourth is in cup but not in rosy My fifth is in herbal and also in health My sixth is in peppermint and always in wealth My last is in drink, so what can I be? I’m there in a classroom, do you listen to me?
Mercy is the better part of justice.
A broom only likes one brand of comedy. Dustpan.
The trouble with the future is that is usually arrives before we're ready for it.
A blacksmith works primarily with what metal?
How many of each animal did Moses take on the ark?
The largest employer in the world is the Indian railway system in India, employing over 1.6 million people
There is no reason at all to believe that White Wine is any different to water when it comes to removing Red Wine stains.
Eat surstromming
Sculling