A couple of months ago, I was down in Florida for the Food and Wine Festival. And this journalist grabbed me and said, 'How does it feel to be a TV guy? You're no longer in the restaurant business.' And I laughed. I asked him, 'How long do you think it takes me to do a season?' He said, 'Well, 200 days.' And I was like, '200 days? Try 20!'
Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.
red, white, and blue what color is the word after the period. red
Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.
Let it ever be remembered that genuine faith in Christ will ever be productive of good works for this faith worketh by love, as the apostle says, and love to God always produces obedience to his holy laws.
Add a letter to one, place it with care. Use the right letter, it is no longer there. What am I?
Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has ordained that you shall live.
What goes up but dont go down
Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who'll argue with you.
I'm a big believer in everybody being themselves. If not doing a swimsuit calendar is yourself, that's great. But if doing a swimsuit calendar is yourself, then you should be able to do it. What I do outside the car adds to who I am and expresses a different side of me.
Even if a unity of faith is not possible, a unity of love is.
what is black and quick as a flash?
On radio and television, magazines and the movies, you can't tell what you're going to get. When you look at the comic page, you can usually depend on something acceptable by the entire family.
A man was born in 1918 and today is his 18th birthday. How is that possible?
Sooner or later you must move down an unknown road that leads beyond the range of the imagination, and the only certainty is that the trip has to be made.
You buy 4 liters of soda for a party, you drink 1 cup but at the end of the party all 4 liters are gone, how is this so?
Having in my life been bitten by the jaws of both victory and defeat, I must rush to add that success is to failure as butter pecan ice cream is to death.
My dad had emphysema and both of my parents had chronic bronchitis and ended up with cancers - all smoking related.
There's a person who is at a store. Is it a boy or a girl?
Why did the library book go to the doctor? It needed to be checked out; it had a bloated appendix.
there is a man in unform and he is dead and laying next to a rock who is he and how did he die
I have a fantastic studio in my home, and it's my biggest toy. I have about a half a million dollars worth of musical equipment in my house.
You hear it speak, for it has a hard tongue. But it cannot breathe, for it has not a lung. What is it?
Memory is funny. Once you hit a vein the problem is not how to remember but how to control the flow.
Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball? Because he couldn't find a date!
We have an obligation and a responsibility to be investing in our students and our schools. We must make sure that people who have the grades, the desire and the will, but not the money, can still get the best education possible.
The figure a poem makes. It begins in delight and ends in wisdom... in a clarification of life - not necessarily a great clarification, such as sects and cults are founded on, but in a momentary stay against confusion.
I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
what can you catch but not throw
As a standup, I try to change the world. As an entertainer, I try to entertain. And as a lesbian, I try to pick up the prettiest girl in the room.
Taste refers to the past, imagination to the future.
when will pigs fly
What has roots as nobody sees. Is taller than trees. Up, up it goes. And yet never grows?
I change, and so do women too;<
Pronounced as one letter, written with three. Two letters there are, and only one in me. I am double, I am single, I am black, blue, and gray. I am read from both ends, and the same either way. What am I???
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life.
The other day I got a text from a boy, but it wasn't hot. I mean, if you're going to text me every day, you haven't seen me for months and you're trying to seduce me, you'd better spice up that text and make it more exciting than 'How was your day? I hope you're having a beautiful one.' Sadly, I haven't been doing a lot of kissing lately.
i am peace and war i can kill and i can save what am i?
High expectations are the key to everything.
Mary's fhater has five children Nany, Tany, sony, Tommy who is the fifth child?
i have a tail and i have a head, but i am not a snake. what am i?
My mom was really vigorous about making sure that we saw things and that we questioned things. Education was so important to both of my parents.
We are all ready to be savage in some cause. The difference between a good man and a bad one is the choice of the cause.
A man was just about to put his key in the door when he heard his wife scream "No Charlie, don't do it!" The man walked in his house to find his wife dead on the floor next to a doctor, a lawyer and a police officer. None of them had name tags and the man did not know who any of them were. The only thing the man knew is that the police officer did it. How did he know?
Read my riddle, I pray. What God never sees, what the king seldom sees, and what we see every day. What is it?
Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all.
this is as light as a feather , yet no man can hold it it for long.what is it?
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
why did the snowman dress up?
How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.
There was a butcher. He was 5 "7". What did he weigh?
We trust something in a grocery store and assume it's good. We don't learn about the most precious thing in life-the food we put in our body. Educate yourself!
I takes you away from this world, but you're not moveing. You see and feel your adventure, but you're not seeing or feeling it.What are you doing?
To me, freedom entitles you to do something, not to not do something.
I am ontop of a star my neighbour is 8 his name is TUV, my god is 4 and my name is PQRS what am I?
For real change, we need feminine energy in the management of the world. We need a critical number of women in positions of power, and we need to nurture the feminine energy in men.
What is it that I cannot miss? Is it a mark, a place or a time? Nay, a child of the now speaks not in rhyme
God had brought me to my knees and made me acknowledge my own nothingness, and out of that knowledge I had been reborn. I was no longer the centre of my life and therefore I could see God in everything.
A plane crashes on the border of oklahoma and texis.Were do you bary the survifers?
Every form of government tends to perish by excess of its basic principle.
What brightens your day when it's dark, although it's usually in the shade?
Maybe a part of me recognized how right the improvising spirit of jazz is. Not the sounds, but the freedom to work with musicians who work that way. It felt very natural to me, but I think there's a way to do it without it being a jazz record.
Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.
What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.
Theres a 1-story house that has a blue ceiling a red interior and a purple exterior. It has 23 people inside it currently and before, 20 minutes ago it had 33. The 23 people are a lawyer, 2 doctors, 5 principles of different schools 2 rich people, 5 hobos, and 8 casual people. What color are the stairs?
You never know God is all you need until God is all you have.
One wants to be together with one's family. That's what families are about.
A traveler, on his way to Miami, reaches a road junction, where he can turn left or right. He knows that only one of the two roads leads to Miami, but unfortunately, he does not know which one. Fortunately, he sees two twin-brothers standing at the road junction, and he decides to ask them for directions. The traveler knows that one of the two brothers always tells the truth and the other one always lies. Unfortunately, he does not know which one always tells the truth and which one always lies. How can the traveler find out the way to Miami by asking just one question to one of the two brothers?
You find 5 bananas but you take away 3 how many will u have?
I also believe that it is time to begin the fundamental analysis of how we got here, what led us here and what we need to do in order to ensure that we are equipped with the best possible intelligence as we face these issues in the future.
I am honored that my freshman class colleagues have put their trust in me to represent our historic class at the leadership table. The incoming freshman class of Representatives is large and diverse but we share many common goals including cutting wasteful spending, getting our economy back on track and making government smarter and more efficient.
I search for surprise in my architecture. A work of art should cause the emotion of newness.
Where is the slowest computer on earth?
I love music. It's freedom, a way to deal with pent-up frustration.
Sir, I bear a rhyme excelling In mystic force and magic spelling Celestial sprites elucidate All my own striving can't relate. What am I?
At different times I taught humanities, social sciences and pre-vocational education.
What has 4 size and don't have 4 size?
If a person gets his attitude toward money straight, it will help straighten out almost every other area in his life.
To not be self-conscious of your appearance is huge, and something that I desperately hope to carry into film at some point in my useless life - to not be thinking, 'My ear looks weird from this angle, why is the camera over there?'
How true Daddy's words were when he said: all children must look after their own upbringing. Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
You live in a one story house made "entirely of redwood". What color would the stairs be?