Railroad crossings and railroad cars can you spell that without any R's?
At first I wasn't sure that I had the talent, but I did know I had a fear of failure, and that fear compelled me to fight off anything that might abet it.
If you're not buying kraft mac and cheese you might be buying an impasta.
I talk to myself, especially in the car.
Who's the world's greatest underwater spy? Pond. James Pond.
Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.
What do you call a dog with a sweater?
Let me give you a definition of ethics: It is good to maintain and further life it is bad to damage and destroy life.
"Stay strong!" I said to my wi-fi signal.
No day in which you learn something is a complete loss.
The man who made it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't use it. The man who uses it doesn't know it. What is it?
why do people wear sandals?
Life is not what it's supposed to be. It's what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
What's a martini's favorite garnish? Olive 'em!
What's the difference between a bag of chips and a duck with the flu? One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!
I'm a spoilt brat. I thought I was just going to walk in and make movies. But I'd been my own boss for so long that all of a sudden to be facing a roomful of people who were niggling over every little scene... I just thought I'd go back and draw my comics and have a happy life.
if you were walking on a airplane that was going as fast as as the speed of sound, would you be walking as fast as speed of sound?
Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience.
What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Humphrey.
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
I went to the city, I stopped there, I never went there, and I came back again.What is it?
Why did the vegetable band break up? They couldn't keep a beet.
The higher you go the lower i get, what am i?
Man, I just feel blessed... I was in a situation where the only way I could come out of it was by putting my faith in God. No matter how good my lawyers were, no matter how much celebrity I had, everything was just stacked up against me.
You can work on the saxophone alone, but ultimately you must perform with others.
Why did the chicken cross the lake of acid infested with mutant aliens breed to devour chickens?
how long is a piece of string?
The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.
The union movement has been the best middle class job creating program that America has ever had, and it doesn't cost the government a dime.
I am round like a ball and i have sparks what am i
The more there is, the less that you see. Squint all you wish when surrounded by me.
Going through the grief period of my dad and losing him - that was the worst thing because you know when you get that call. When you are seven, eight years old, you have that almost vision in your mind of what that's going to be like and what your going to feel like and it doesn't prepare you.
Have a lover 10 years my senior
For much of the female half of the world, food is the first signal of our inferiority. It lets us know that our own families may consider female bodies to be less deserving, less needy, less valuable.
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
Theres about 50 to 100 people in a cabin in the middle of the woods... There all dead, but by no natural causes. (so they didn't kill each other or bears didn't kill them)... How did they die?
Men do weird things when they experience fear. It's like a fight-or-flight thing.
It goes in dry. It comes out wet. The longer it stays in, the better it gets. When it comes out,it drips and sags. It's not what you think It's a
We live in an age when to be young and to be indifferent can be no longer synonymous. We must prepare for the coming hour. The claims of the Future are represented by suffering millions and the Youth of a Nation are the trustees of Posterity.
My work has also motivated me to put a lot of time into seeking out good food and to spend more money on it.
Discovered in Africa, I spread like a tide to become a hotstaple known the world wide. A necessity to some, a treasure to many, I'm best enjoyed amoung pleasant company. Some like me hot and some like me cold. Some prefer mild, others only bold. Some take me straight, while some savor my essence to which has been added a flavor. So put down your cares and sit awhile with me; I'll send you back refreshed and full of energy. What am I?
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? A bat!
Those people who develop the ability to continuously acquire new and better forms of knowledge that they can apply to their work and to their lives will be the movers and shakers in our society for the indefinite future.
I come in every shape, size and color. In me you will find happiness, sadness and other junk. What am I???
I saw a documentary on how they make jeans... It was riveting.
The art of the parenthesis is one of the greatest secrets of eloquence in Society.
i=If a man is born in greece.Raised in mexico,moved to australia when he was 30 moved to america when he was 56,then moved back to greece where he died. what is he?
Why do galaxies put on boring shows while separated? Because their performance is lack-cluster.
How is the best way to help someone in Denile?
I really felt like I finally made it. Having your first fake pregnancy rumor. It was really awesome. I feel like it's part of what happens in this business, but that's a real one. That's a cool one to get.
Go on a winery tour
The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood.
While there's life, there's hope.
Imagine that you are standing on top of the Empire State building. You have to jump down to the bottom without a trampoline, parahute or any aids. How can you do so?
Winemaking
When service members are discharged, we should express our gratitude for their profound personal sacrifice, not hand them a bill for their hospital food.
what goes but never comes down
What did one eye say to the other?
We have got to change our ethics and our financial system and our whole way of understanding the world. It has to be a world in which people live rather than die a sustainable world. It could be great.
An emotional man may possess no humor, but a humorous man usually has deep pockets of emotion, sometimes tucked away or forgotten.
Open me, and you can't see me without a mirror. Close me and you can't see me at all. What am I?
No matter how much you push the envelope... it's still stationery.
In its history, Europe has committed so many massacres and horrors that it should bow its own head in shame.
It cannot be seen cannot be felt cannot be heard cannot be smelt, It lies behind stars and under hills and empty holes it fills, It comes first and follows after, Ends life and kills laughter. What is it?
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy
two girls go to a store, but they both whant one item,so one girl says "lets flip a coin." she thinks to herself this will be a piece of cake,because she secretly used a double headed coin, but in the end the other girl got it how can that be?
I wanted to have a personal life that I fully inhabited, not because I am such a great mom, but for me.
How many animals of each sex did Moses bring on the Arc?
Great passions, my dear, don't exist: they're liars fantasies. What do exist are little loves that may last for a short or a longer while.
I think it's important to have closure in any relationship that ends - from a romantic relationship to a friendship. You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase.
One way or another, we all have to find what best fosters the flowering of our humanity in this contemporary life, and dedicate ourselves to that.
Where do rabbits like to eat breakfast? IHOP!
We hope President Obama will now respect the will of the people, change course, and commit to making the changes they are demanding. To the extent he is willing to do this, we are ready to work with him.
This is an X and Z conversation... Y are you in the middle?
It is difficult, if not impossible, to argue that laws written in the 1970s are adequate for today's intelligence challenges.
With depression I am pitted My goal with pole has been fitted From wood to grass I must pass Frequency will make you last
A woman wraped from head to toe in black, kneeling beside here dead husband. What am I ?
Ironically, Latin American countries, in their instability, give writers and intellectuals the hope that they are needed.
I have no voice and yet I speak to you, I tell of all things in the world that people do. I have leaves, but I am not a tree, I have pages, but I am not a bride or royalty. I have a spine and hinges, but I am not a man or a door, I have told you all, I cannot tell you more. What am I?
As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
Since obscenity is the truth of our passion today, it is the only stuff of art - or almost the only stuff.
What word has more letter's than alphabet's?
No, I'm no enemy to learning it hurts not me.
Drink milk straight from a coconut
Who killed one fourth of mankind?
The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. It's an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.
It stands on one leg with its heart in its head. What is it?
Happiness is the only sanction of life where happiness fails, existence remains a mad and lamentable experiment.
em eye crooked crooked eye crooked crooked eye pea pea eye
The beauty of golf, you're in charge out here.
I thought the dryer shrank my clothes.. turns out it was the refrigerator
No, I never thought about my father's money as my money.
What relation to you would be your father's sister's sister in law be to you?
It's very difficult for the American people to believe that our government, one of the richest on Earth, is also one of the stingiest on Earth.
how many of each animal did abraham take on the ark
Why did everyone trust the marsupial? Everything he said was troo
Everybody likes Johnny Cash. I think the sad part of it is his health is givin' him problems.
City governments ought to be abolished, if only as a public health measure.
Let it be your constant method to look into the design of people's actions, and see what they would be at, as often as it is practicable and to make this custom the more significant, practice it first upon yourself.