My mom and dad - they were always there. They were always on the set. They focused on our family life. The entertainment business wasn't the end-all. They weren't out to get the next big paycheck or the next big movie. It was about 'What can we do as a family.'
What do you call a bug that can't talk? A hoarse fly.
YY U R YY U B I C U R YY 4 ME What does this mean?
For me the greatest revenge of all is having a happy adulthood, waking up in my gorgeous turquoise bedroom in the morning beside a person who really inspires me. That's the best revenge a girl-loving girl from the Bible belt could possibly have. And, importantly, it's healthy.
There was an ice cube sitting in the freezer. Somebody who knew the ice cube was there went to get the ice cube in the freezer, but it was gone. Why was the ice cube gone? (hint hint; the ice cube was still in the freezer)
Jobs for every American is doomed to failure because of modern automation and production. We ought to recognize it and create an income-maintenance system so every single American has the dignity and the wherewithal for shelter, basic food, and medical care. I'm talking about welfare for all. Without it, you're going to have warfare for all.
Where does a bee like to spell?
My father is an amazing man.
When I take a shower it rains. When I am eating marshmellows and miss my mouth it snows.When I shread paper the leaves fall.When I am angry I usualy Cause an earthquake,hurracane,tornado,and ect.Who am I
I learned a lesson which I didn't heed: Don't put yourself in your movies. It's too much.
what has sunday, saturday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, and friday??
It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am.
if you were sitting in an upside down room with a right side up chair would you be rightside up or upside down?
i am orange i have a head and a tale i am not a snake nor a penny. What am i ?
The secret of long life is double careers. One to about age sixty, then another for the next thirty years.
It is amazing that people who think we cannot afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, and medication somehow think that we can afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, medication and a government bureaucracy to administer it.
Attend the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras
one in june one in july two in august
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife she has thought much worse things about you.
So many financial dreams are thwarted by the failure to act upon good intentions.
What do you call two crows? Attempted murder.
how does the laziest man get his dinner the quickest?
Three men decide to rent a penthouse and split the bill 3 ways. They approached the cleark and ask for the room. The clerk charged them 30 bucks for the room. As the bell hop bring the guests to the room, the manager of the hotel calls the clerk and says the room the guest went to should have only cost them 25 bucks. The clerk was in a pickle. He knew he couldnt evenly split 5 dollars to the 3 guest, so he pocketed 2 dollars and gave each of the men a dollar each to keep it fair. Now the men spent 9 dollars each. So if the men spent 9 dollars each and there is 2 dollars in the clerks pocket , that only adds up to 29 dollars. Where did that extra dollar disapear to?
Which word that begins with the letter I, and by adding the letter A, becomes another word that is pronounced the same?
No, but way before that, I've been doing little dances in movies for years. Yeah, that was an amazing chance. You know, at my age to be able to do a music dance video, very unusual.
Trainspotting
I support allowing gay couples to marry because of - not in spite of - my values. And many of those values are the same ones deeply held by those who do not believe in gay marriage.
Help start a festival
what are thing you can always count on?
Adoration is caring for God above all else.
I used to spend every morning in detention at my old school.
In 1209, on a hot summer day there was a man who was ordered to be executed by king. The king was a nice king though, and he said that if the man could prove himself wise, he would let him go. The king filled a room with fake flowers, and only put in one real flower in the room. The king said the man had 20 seconds to find the real flower. The man said, "It's very stuffy in here. Could you open a window?" The king opened a window, and the man immediately knew which was the real flower. How did he know?
It's not as if our party has a leadership campaign underway.
Which letter of the alphabet is the laziest? letter G (lethargy)
What 4 letter word becomes short if you add a 2nd letter to it?
Why did the bullet stay home? Because it got fired!
Intelligence must follow faith, never precede it, and never destroy it.
It has a head, a tail, s brown, and has no legs. What is it??
i have eight eyes and a soul that cant be kept??? what am i??
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
Until the men of action clear out the talkers we who have social consciences are at the mercy of those who have none.
wich is better value????? a copper english coin with A.D. (after christ) or a silver englih cion marked B.C. (before chrit) ?????????????????
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
why was the policeman in bed
A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me.
What driver doesn't have a license?
No person will make a great business who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit.
What do people make that nobody can ever see?
There is danger in reckless change, but greater danger in blind conservatism.
In this new century, our commitment to family and to faith, to community and opportunity, to freedom and to hope, will be the light that shines to lead us forward.
A captain of the sea over hears his crew saying to his parrot,"we'll dump him to Davy Jones locker as soon as we tell the captain. Heres a cracker Polly." the captain, misunderstanding, barges into his crew room, but finds an advertisment for Davy Jones locker _____shop. Fill in the blank
I'm always in situations where you can't be funny, and yet I want to do it anyway.
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
What is red and has pimples and fungus growing on it?
Honesty, integrity, and accountability, the values, which should be the hallmark of this government, have instead been thrown under the bus by an arrogant majority, casualties in a misguided campaign to shield from accountability those who abuse this House.
I have streets but no pavement. I have cities but no buildings. I have forests yet no trees. I have rivers yet no water. What am I?
What a curious phenomenon it is that you can get men to die for the liberty of the world who will not make the little sacrifice that is needed to free themselves from their own individual bondage.
it is greater than god more evil than the devil poor people have it rich people need it if you eat it you will die
It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.
What did one frog say to the other frog? Time's fun when you're having flies.
There is no worse sorrow than remembering happiness in the day of sorrow.
Okay, I want to ask you something. If a tree falls in the forest, but no one is there to hear, is there a sound?
Visit the Statue of Liberty
You're talking to someone who has been married to various people for the last 40 years of her life. Dating is not really something familiar. I've never really been a dater.
Where does Thanksgiving come after Christmas?
It's amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn't it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It's a sort of terrible gift, isn't it?
I'm light I'm dark yet I'm not always around. Sometimes I'm have sometimes I'm full. What am I?
I can remember when I was National Security Adviser, the intelligence community told us... they put out an intelligence report saying that Iran would never back off from attacks on shipping in the Gulf if we use force.
what is a dogs favorite subject
I believe this with all my heart: The greatest coach of all time in my eyes is my mom. She's instilled in me a toughness and a perseverance and just a never-quit mentality, and I thank her every day for providing me, for what she sacrificed her life for.
For the very first time the young are seeing history being made before it is censored by their elders.
the worlds hardest riddle Body: The world's Hardest riddle Can you guess the riddle? I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid and normal people look like celebrities. I turn pancakes brown and make your champane bubble. If you sqeeze me, I'll pop. If you look at me, you'll pop. Can you guess the riddle? 97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the riddle? Just repost this bulletin with the title "The World's Hardest Riddle", "and then check your inbox. You'll get a message with the correct answer read read
Spend a night in the Burj Al Arab
I was walking donw the street today, to see an old man on his way, when we passed, he took out his hat and drew his cane, if you listen to my riddle, you will realize I said his name, as clear as a whistle. What is the old man's name?
My perfect day is constantly changing. Right now, it would be to lie around in a hammock reading with a portable phone and a table of food next to it. I would spend all day there. And that's all that I can possibly come up with on the spur of the moment.
X-post from r/jokes: "Hey! The dog you sold me yesterday just fell over and died today!" "Huh, strange. He's never done that before."
These days there are a lot of people who just want to be famous. I think that comes from a naive place, because those people generally don't know what it's like.
A guy jumps off the whitehouse,what does he land in?
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak they are manners, morals, and medicine.
If you search and search and stop searching, then ultimately you'll find what you need. It is the experience of living.
Beauty is nature's brag, and must be shown in courts, at feasts, and high solemnities, where most may wonder at the workmanship.
But this will not do, God will certainly punish you for stealing and for being unfaithful.
No arms. No legs. Yet I will carry your voice thousands of miles. What am I?
Children themselves know they are being cheated. Ultimately we owe it to our children. They are in school for 190 days a year. Every moment they spend learning is precious. If a year goes by and they are not being stretched and excited, that blights their life.
What is the worst vegetable to have on a ship?
How much is 25 cents.
Experience taught me that working families are often just one pay check away from economic disaster. And it showed me first-hand the importance of every family having access to good health care.
Why did the cop wake up his son? To stop a kid napping.
A man comes home, turns on the TV and see's something horrible on the news. He walks upstairs, turn's on a light, look's out his window... and then kills himself. What did he see?
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It's pasture bedtime!
what runs but cant walk?
When I was young, I was just about hard work. But as I got older, I did experience anxiety, doubt, judgment, and it's so easy to lose yourself for a second.
During the daytime they are lost without being stolen. At night, they arrive without being fetched. What are they?