What sits in the corner but travels all over the world?
However my parents - both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing quirk that would never pay a mortgage or secure a pension.
History
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
A MAN WALKED INTO A BAR!!! OUCH
Explore Palawan
Will Smith's website isn't responding. What do you do? Refresh Prince of Bel Air.
Failure is only postponed success as long as courage 'coaches' ambition. The habit of persistence is the habit of victory.
You can only rescue 1 person, and there are three people trapped with you. One person is a rich billionaire offering to get you anything you want. And a college student who knows everything about stem cell research, and lastly a baby genious who will make a leap in physics. Who do you pick and why?
Did you hear about the Antennas that got married? The wedding was lame, but the reception was great!
God is one, greatest of gods and men, not like mortals in body or thought.
what is dark and hollow to some but full and bright to others. it can be found and lost by anyone but not everyone will find it and not everyone will lose it.
What force and strength cannot get through, I with a gentle touch can do. And many in the street would stand, were I not a friend at hand. What am I?
I've always been in the middle of making my own movies, so taking acting jobs that take me away from that has been impossible.
Rail transport modeling
Visit Arnhem Land
What did the boots say to the mouth
What type of grain uses profanity? Vulgar Wheat
Corruption is nature's way of restoring our faith in democracy.
Today I brought a computer back from the dead. I've decided that this makes me a techromancer.
I don't claim to be knowledgeable about theology. Most of my knowledge comes out of my experience and the lessons in the Bible. Every Sunday I'm home I teach 45 minutes and we boiled them down to one page for the new book, 'Through the Year with Jimmy Carter.'
A puppy is two, but a dog is not, A cookie is two, but a cracker is not.
What side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
When people talk of the freedom of writing, speaking or thinking I cannot choose but laugh. No such thing ever existed. No such thing now exists but I hope it will exist. But it must be hundreds of years after you and I shall write and speak no more.
there are twins. one lies,and one doesn't. how can you tell them apart?
And in a world without heroes, as the movie trailer voice-over guy might say, the slightly awkward can be slightly cool.
Why are giraffes' necks so long? Because their heads are so far away from their bodies.
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Vehicle restoration
The day before my 16th birthday I got my guitar.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie. (sounds like way up high)
Learn to make pasta in Italy
a man walks into a house and sits on the chair and then his wife comes in and says get off the table but the man is on a chair. how? (the man was sitting on a chair)
Why was the Egyptian kid confused? Because his daddy was a mummy
Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
Attend a live NFL game
You leave your house you go west and then turn north you kill a bear on the way what color is the bear??
Capucci was the biggest schooling I had. It wasn't just about the technical knowledge, such as color and volume, but also about the secret rules, and the beautiful codes of respect between the atelier and the master.
I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode... I asked, Are you two an item?
an electric train is going south at 98 mph. the wind is blowing northeast. Which direction is the smoke blowing?
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Soon I realized that if beauty equalled forgiveness, I was never going to be forgiven.
Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#
See the sun rise and set on the same day
This was our last stop. This was it. We had those two embryos that we had banked prior to learning about the breast cancer, and with the medicine she was on, this was our last effort. The prayers were answered.
A farmer had a stone that he used to measure grain on his scale. One day his neighbor borrowed the stone, and when he returned, it was broken into four pieces. The neighbor was very apologetic, but the farmer thanked the neighbor for doing him a big favor. The farmer said that now he can measure his grain in one pound increments starting at one pound all the way to forty pounds (1, 2, 3, 17, 29, 37, etc.) using these four stones. How much do the four stones weigh?
Attend a cricket match in India
We must oppose programs that would take food from the mouths of younger generations to buy prescription drugs for old people, and we must do it... for the children.
What type of flower grows between your nose and your chin?
Dine at The Rock Restaurant in Zanzibar
this person says their smart, known world wide, hates peace and is completely not patriotic, oiliotic
What do mathematicians get if they stare at the roots of negative numbers for too long? Square eyes
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
Your smile could make someone's day, don't forget to wear it.
Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits.
It's at the beginning of every end, and the end of time and space. It's the beginning of everything, and completes this riddle What is it?
See a show at the Opera House
Kart racing
What do you call thrusting a hairy rod in and out of your mouth really fast then afterwards spitting out a white liquid? Brushing your teeth
how many animals of each species did moses take on the ark
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
What's worse than a centipede with sore feet? A giraffe with a sore throat
Where does dubious pasta come from? The spaghetto.
No way, no how did I break into NORAD. That's a complete myth. And I never attempted to access anything considered to be classified government systems.
i enjoy the earths creations and never kill. What i do to be happy is ilegal what am I.
Spend ANZAC Day in Gallipoli
The most important quality in a leader is that of being acknowledged as such. All leaders whose fitness is questioned are clearly lacking in force.
A horse walks into a bar, orders a beer. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" And the horse answers, "They've started a round of layoffs at the plant."
Roller skating
A man is trapped in a house with no windows or doors. The house is collapsing. The man has a baseball and a baseball bat. How does he get out?
you ride into a town on wednesday,you stay three days and leave on wednesday. how is that possible?
A Thanksgiving Joke What did the turkey say about the television program from the 1950s? There's a little bit too much grayvy.
I grew up between the two world wars and received a rather solid general education, the kind middle class children enjoyed in a country whose educational system had its roots dating back to the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy.
Golfing
Where do noodles get their nails done? At the spa-getti.
Pale Death beats equally at the poor man's gate and at the palaces of kings.
If you don't drink, smoke, or drive a car, you're a tax evader.
ounce a pone a riddle there was a guy name riddle one day he went to town and saw a sign that said riddle hes twin came to town and desided to take a little fiset and he did he ask riddle if he can solve hes Riddle and reddle said ok so he told hes reddle and Reddle couldent think of a answer so he finaly gave up and the answer was 4!!! wich riddle is Riddle
Personality is more important than beauty, but imagination is more important than both of them.
What I want is what I hate Why you give is why i wait Those who quit are naught but fools Those who try are bound to lose To own me you must set me free And tell the truth yet lie to me The secret is as clear as day yet dark as night, so now let's play....
Visit the Stockman’s Hall of Fame
I hope that my investment into Atomico will become my best financial investment to date.
Find out the answer to the massage: Anyone... I have sacrificed myselv to seve your lives from the krack of something and somthing. Okay no jokes... you know the playing cards, right? Look out for acs cards.
Tennis polo
I've always enjoyed poor health.
A house is standing, all four walls piont north, A bear walks by. what color is the bear?
If you bury someone in the wrong place then you have made a grave mistake.
How did the metal get the wrong idea? He was misled.
The good thing about L.A. is that there's always someone more famous 100 yards away from me.
Propose to a girl in an over the top way
which is the biggest jam in the world
We hear the stories every day now: the father who puts on a suit every morning and leaves the house so his daughter doesn't know he lost his job, the recent college grad facing up to the painful reality that the only door that's open to her after four years of study and a pile of debt is her parents'. These are the faces of the Obama economy.
Go stargazing
My travels led me to where I am today. Sometimes these steps have felt painful, difficult, but led me to greater happiness and opportunites.
I went into the woods and got it. I sat down to seek it. I brought it home with me because I couldn't find it.
Decorating
Visit Lake Baikal
I invented a time machine... next week.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
Two boys are identical in appearance and have the same parents. One was born five minutes after the other. These two boys are not twins. How is this possible?
Our modern states are preparing for war without even knowing the future enemy.
what did the old telephone say to the young telephone
Yoga
Attend South by Southwest
Shout out to... baseball players who have three strikes.
Justin Timberlake is everything, and what more could you want in a person? He's funny. He's cute. He's great. He just understands. I get him and he gets me, and that's cool.
A BOY CLIMB A 10M LADDER AND FELL ON THE FLOOR AND DO GOT INJURED.HOW CAN THAT BE?
You in a square room with an all southern view. A bear walks past the window. What colour is the bear?
We must seek to persuade member states and institutions that better regulation in Europe does not mean cutting health and safety in the workplace, nor does it mean dismantling social standards.
What was the allergic 2"X4"'s terrifying hallucination? He sawdust.
Tube down a river
How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meat patty!
I felt I had to share Idaho with my friend from New York because he'd shared New York with me, so I was going to share the beauty of nature with a man who went to museums and clubs late at night. But there was nothing to do where I lived at night.
Talk is cheap - except when Congress does it.
Have a student contact me and thank me
A Mr.Johnson and his son are in a car crash and Mr.Johnson dies instantly and the son is injured so they rush the son to the hospital and the surgeon said i cant operate on him
At least I now know why the lions leave the plains before the end of summer. Because the Pride goeth before the Fall.
Do something selfless.
A petshop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said "Parrot repeats everything it hears". Davey bought the parrot and for two weeks he spoke to it and it didn't say a word. He returned the parrot but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot. How can this be?
The federal debt in this country is principally of Republican design.
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, Dogs sure are easily amused!... ...then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.
Doubt is an uneasy and dissatisfied state from which we struggle to free ourselves and pass into the state of belief while the latter is a calm and satisfactory state which we do not wish to avoid, or to change to a belief in anything else.
You can spin, wheel and twist, but this thing can turn without moving. What is it?
What did the 0 say to the 8? Let's make a snowman!
And that's really what's happening in this country is a violation of the First Commandment. We have become a country entrenched in idolatry, and that idolatry is the dependency upon our government. We're supposed to depend upon God for our protection and our provision and for our daily bread, not for our government.
Sometimes, you just need to say sorry. Even if it's not your fault.
Visit the Titanic Museum in Belfast
Mary's parents have three children. One called Jack, one called Jill. What is the third child called?
What do you call a fish with no eyes? ....a fssshhh...
a father (who's a doctor) and his son were driving in a car and they get into a horrible accident. the father dies and the son is in critical condition. the ambulance arrives and brings the son to the hospital. the doctor is about to operate on the son until the doctor said "i can't operate on him, he's my son". Who's the doctor that won't operate on the son?
To me, the kitchen is a place of adventure and entirely fun, not drudgery. I can't think of anything better to do with family and friends than to be together to create something.
Flower collecting and pressing
See, the 'On the Road' that came out in 1957 was censored. A lot of the honesty of it, the bitter honesty, is in the original scroll version that came out in 2007 on the 50-year anniversary. Back then, there was so much post-Second World War fear that was imposed on everybody - 'You must live life this way' - and these guys were bored.
Marriage is like a cage one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.
There is a truck driver going down the street. He stops at a "No Left Turn" sign. There is a police car and a policeman inside the car watching where the truck driver is. The truck driver turns left and the policeman saw him. He didn't give him a ticket. How is that possible?
Did you hear about that spicy knight? Sir Acha.
Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
What was Dr Frankenstein's second job? He was a body-builder
Jump into a frozen lake
You are a bus driver. He/she goes to the first stop, pick up 24 people. second;67 third;97. How old is the bus driver?
Every year the Federal Government wastes billions of dollars as a result of overpayments of government agencies, misuse of government credit cards, abuse of the Federal entitlement programs, and the mismanagement of the Federal bureaucracy.
The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes.
I have 2 coins that equal 30 cents and one of them is not a nickel
Learn how to make good coffee
I fear for the calendar... its days are numbered.
What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.
Philately
Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night.
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
one nomoonday a car fully coloured with black and have no lights passing through the road come across the lorry which has same characteristics. there was no street light in that road,but the car and lorry escaped with out dassing how it is possible?
it is a gate but we not pass through it?
Did you take a shower today? Why, is one missing?
Women must tell men always that they are the strong ones. They are the big, the strong, the wonderful. In truth, women are the strong ones. It is just my opinion, I am not a professor.