You are stranded in a cabin with one match. There are an oil lamp, a fireplace and a furnace. which do you light first.
In America, there's a failure to appreciate Europe's leading role in the world.
what did the boy octopus said to the girl octopos
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
Visit Transylvania in Romania
Rather than waiting for future trials to determine rules that will impact every citizen, Congress should step in and write a law that takes every American's rights into consideration.
im white im round, but im not always around, im light, im dark, sometimes im both, everybody wants to walk on me,but only few happy feet ever have What am i?
Take a cruise on Milford Sound
Why does the Pope only eat munchkins? Cause they're the holy part of the donut!
The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen.
Voiceless it cries, Wingless flutters, Toothless bites, Mouthless mutters.
He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils.
What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go? Flabio
how much is one and one? how much is 2 and 2?
Cars Why do lazy people only drive automatics? Because they're shiftless.
Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees.
You can see it everyday, But cannot touch it at will.
While negativity is politically useful, it is also demoralizing unless it is accompanied - and to some extent overshadowed - by elevated and inspiring ideas about the American future.
Mini Golf
A man lives in a one-story house. Everything is blue. The chairs, couches, everything. But were the stairs blue?
If old stories say true, I could once talk like you; But for fear of becoming a slave, I was instantly mute, And grew cunning to boot, Determined my freedom to save. Now the fop and the fool, And the rude boy at school, All endeavour to practise my art, But their efforts are vain; They pretenders remain, And must--till the world they depart.
2 fish in a tank, one says to the other Do you know how to drive this thing?
I feel more mature than most people my age.
Rich men's houses are seldom beautiful, rarely comfortable, and never original. It is a constant source of surprise to people of moderate means to observe how little a big fortune contributes to Beauty.
Visit the Sognefjord
A group of men are playing poker. The men get angry when Jack wins consecutive hands. Jack and the other men get into a heated conversation because everyone thinks he is cheating. Jack walks outside and is instantly killed. How was he killed. *Hint 52 bicycles contributed to his death.
What do you call a group of Geometry classes? A geomeforest.
If you lead a country like Britain, a strong country, a country which has taken a lead in world affairs in good times and in bad, a country that is always reliable, then you have to have a touch of iron about you.
Ride an elephant
What kind of fall that you might die from?
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
In the beginning, I loved being famous, but now I am tired of it and I would like to go back to my freedom.
English
whats black,round and shakes all over?
My grandmother is this amazingly theatrical woman. She acted like a movie star, as far as looks and attitude, kind of like Susan Hayward.
I don't know what can be so dangerous about giving people hope.
I can fly,I have feathers but i dont have wings,I am man made,It takes a mans power to make me fly,but i am not thrown and i am not a plane. What am i?
During the decades after Brown v. Board of Education there was terrific progress. Tens of thousands of public schools were integrated racially. During that time the gap between black and white achievement narrowed.
what walks on four legs in the mourning, two in the evening,and three in the afternoon?
Why are manhole covers round? Because manholes are round.
Sometimes I think our problems are made worse by the kind of business we're in. Playing these road shows is a weird experience.
A man walks into a jeweller wearing a black hat. he holds up a dozen people and walks the shop unarmed with £1,000 worth of jewellery. There were many witnesses yet nobody cared. Why?
I'm certain that most couples expect to find intimacy in marriage, but it somehow eludes them.
Why is there very little honey in Belgium? Because there is only one B in Belgium
I'm a mom, a full-time mom when I'm not taping. I do the carpool thing, and bake the cookies, and do the homework.
I'm part of the bird that's not in the sky I can swim in the water and yet remane dry What am I?
Go crabbing
Mark Ruffalo, aka the Incredible Hulk, is the natural gas industry's worst nightmare: a serious, committed activist who is determined to use his star power as a superhero in the hottest movie of the moment to draw attention the environmental and public health risks of fracking.
Always seek out advice or opinions when making a decision.
My own life has in some ways been a decades-long tour of the sibling experience. I have full sibs, I have half-sibs, and for a time I had step-sibs.
Trade fair visiting
Visit all of the Wonders of the World
Why was the belt locked up? Because it held a pair of pants.
No one is in control of your happiness but you therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.
Have something published by Lonely Planet or Frommer’s
In this possibly terminal phase of human existence, democracy and freedom are more than just ideals to be valued - they may be essential to survival.
if a tree falls in the middle of the woods, and no one is arounds to hear it. does it make a sound?
Did you hear about the casting for the new Batman movie? People have really Ben Affleckted by it.
I don't feel a lack of hope. It's just disappointment that after all these years we're still fighting meaningless wars for a handful of people.
A woman shoots her husband. Then she hangs him. How is this possible that they go out to dinner with him five minutes later?
Did you know that it's traditional to serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap? There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.
I'm from Canada, and New Zealand feels like you took all the best bits of Canada and squished them onto a tiny island like Hawaii. I was absolutely blown away by the beauty of the South Island.
What was the biggest island in the world before the discovery of Australia by Captain Cook?
Car Spotting
What did the plate say to the other plate? Dinners on me.
History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.
There is a frog, dead in the middle of an island. If he swims north, the distance to the mainland is 2 meters. If he swims south, the distance to the mainland is 3 meters. If he swims east or west, the distance is 4 meters. Which way does he swim?
It is only when men begin to worship that they begin to grow.
During a hurricane you are at a bus stop with, your best friend, who has saved your life in the past, an old lady who is about to die, and the girl of your dreams, the problem is you only have room for one person in your car, who do you take?
Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will?
What gets wet while drying?
Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
i know everything but i really dont
Why was the actor detained by airport security? He said he was in town to shoot a pilot.
Is it possible to make up a sentence that ends with the letter I
A good sense of humor will get you everywhere.
Travel
We are stymied by regulations, limited choice and the threat of litigation. Neither consultants nor industry itself provide research which takes architecture forward.
My opponents attitude is, 'If it moves, tax it, if it keeps moving, regulate it and when it stops, subsidize it.
When it is cold i make it colder I love winter Nothing you can touch related to winD i can make it really Chilly do you Have a clue I'm related to wind you don't Like it when i'm around Loose the t-shirts and shorts
Visit the Kremlin
What we need are not prohibitory marriage laws, but a reformed society, an educated public opinion which will teach individual duty in these matters.
One Sunday morning, a family of 3... Mom: Susan Dad: Robert Daughter: Lilly ...decided to skip church due to Susan coming down with the Flu, so Robert ranout to fetch the doctor, when he came back, Lilly and Susan was dead and the police were there, some neihbors, the mail man, and a physican. Susan and Lily died from gunshots to the head. Everyone at the scene of the crime was being questioned, even Robert. Who killed Lilly and Susan? Why?
Visit Meteor Crater, Arizona
The dead eat this always. If the living eat this, they die slowly.
It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what might happen.
How do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
Revenge is barren of itself: it is the dreadful food it feeds on its delight is murder, and its end is despair.
What falls but never breaks? What breaks but never falls?
How do you call for a bath? With a Teletubbie.
But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.
there is a man hanging by a noose in the middle of a room with nothing but a puddle of water under him how did he do it.
Travel with my little brother
What does December have that other months dont have? The letter D.
WHAT IS BIG AND SMALL.
The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual - for it is in the solitary mind and soul of the individual that the battle between good and evil is waged and ultimately won or lost.
I heard a great joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it will come back to me eventually.
TWO FROGS WHERE SITTING ON A LOG. ONE DECIDED TO JUMP OFF, HOW MANY FROGS WILL BE LEFT ON THE LOG?
What do you call an economist at an amusement park who is just sitting around? A lazy fair goer!
What question can someone ask all day long, always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be correct?
At my age, I don't think anyone is untouched by cancer.
All the strength and force of man comes from his faith in things unseen. He who believes is strong he who doubts is weak. Strong convictions precede great actions.
What happened to the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl? They had a MetLife crisis.
I normally ignore the History Channel.
Telling jokes
A man is is jail, and there are no door's or windows, but just a chair, how does he escape.
I'm not really more than holes tied to more holes; I'm strong as good steel, though not as stiff as a pole. What am I?
Did you hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine? Now he's fully recovered.
President Bush has a record of cutting taxes, has provided a prescription drug benefit for seniors, has upheld the Second Amendment and remains committed to stopping liberal activists judges who are redefining marriage.
I have a really, really, really normal family. And by normal I mean we're all nuts on some level. I think you've gotta be a little nuts to pursue any kind of creative job. I was also a really good kid. I know that sounds really dull, but I didn't rebel in the traditional sense.
What do you call a deep-sea diving dog? Scuba - Doo!
When a man's knowledge is not in order, the more of it he has the greater will be his confusion.
Attend a Japanese wrestling show
Two brothers, Timmy and Jimmy, were in court being charge for robbing a bank. Timmy says that he was trying to stop his brother Jimmy from roobbing the bank but failed to do so. The judge believe him and said that Jimmy could get 5 years for this crime but he decided let them both go. Why did the judge let Timmy and Jimmy go since Jimmy is cleary guilty?
I believe in traditional marriage and I believe in the Defense of Marriage Act.
A man and his son, were in an accident, two ambulances came, the first ambulance took the father to hospital A, and the other ambulance took the son to a different hospital. The son was admitted into the Emergency Room, and he required immediate surgery, the doctor came, looked at the child, and said "I cannot operate on this child, he is my son! Explain
What has made America amazing has been the fact that throughout our history, throughout the more than 200 years of our history, there have been men and women of courage who stood up and decided it was more important to look out for the future of their children and their grandchildren than their own political futures.
Ride in a hot air balloon
Don't leave home without your sword - your intellect.
You was going the wrong way down a one way street, and the police saw you and didn't pull you over. Why didn't the police stop you?
I think everything depends on money.
How many spiecies did Moses take on the ark
The danger of having the military take over intelligence is that the military has a very different perspective on the world.
Visit Neuschwanstein Castle
i go up and down-but never move i go from place to place-but you cant see me i can effect the lives of people-but they cant effect me i am on television every day what am i????
I believe that if we really want human brotherhood to spread and increase until it makes life safe and sane, we must also be certain that there is no one true faith or path by which it may spread.
SETTING: a prison cell with a dirt floor, stone wall but a very high up skylight in the ceiling no furniture except for a mattress. ACTION: the prisoner that was in the cell escaped through the sky light QEUSTION: how did he escape?