What is attached to the mind yet pierces the skull, some are born with them but do not stand tall.
Have professional photos taken of me
No matter how vital experience might be while you lived it, no sooner was it ended and dead than it became as lifeless as the piles of dry dust in a school history book.
there was a king who built a ship Ann in that ship lived his daughter Ann ile get the blame for saying her name Ann thats three times i have said it now (you have to try and geus the girls name)
Have a drink thrown in my face/be slapped for being a cad
What do you call a con-artist who minored in psychology? Sigmund Fraud
But computers have changed the world for everyone, so there will be some way of working it out.
A man enters into a bar/saloon and walks up to the bartender. He whispers a message to the bartender. Then, suddenly, the bartender pulls out his gun and points it directly at the man's head. The man says "Thank you," and walks away. So, what did the man whisper to the bartender? (Hint: The man had a problem and his problem was solved.)
In any investment, you expect to have fun and make money.
A man was in the middle of a cornfield. He had a backpack on and a man was with him. Something in his backpack caused him his death. What was it that caused him his death?
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.
I personally don't believe in bros before hoes or hoes before hoes.. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis
Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. 'What is my purpose? Who am I?' I had a big identity crisis.
Two birds are sitting on a perch. One bird says to the other, "Do you smell fish?"
Religious institutions should have religious freedom on this issue. No church or minister should ever have to conduct a marriage that is inconsistent with their religious beliefs. But I think as a civil institution, this issue's time has come and we need to move forward.
A man pushes his car to a hotel, pays the hotel owner and then pushes his car away.
Why are there only two hundred and thirty nine beans in a bowl of bean soup? Because just one more and it would be two-farty
Three people go out for a meal and it comes to £30. They split the cost and pay £10 each. The waiter takes the money to the till and realises thet theres a special offer on and they only have to pay £25. So he put £25 pound in the till and goes to take £5 back to them, on the way is decieds to keep £2 for himself and gives £1 back to the customers. Now they have only paid £9 each for a meal. So if you add the money up it goes like this: 9+9+9=27 add the money the waiter took +2=29. So wheres the other £1 gone??
I went to Duke University in the medical track. And then I decided I wanted to do something more creative, so I switched to biochemistry at Nebraska.
What did the doctor say when the patient said''Doctor Doctor i feel like cvurtains''??
Only after I faced the unhappiness of my first marriage did I start on the path of personal growth.
I think all Americans believe in human rights. And health is an often overlooked aspect of basic human rights. And it's one that's easily corrected. The reason I say that is that many of the diseases that we treat around the world, I knew when I was a child. My mother was a registered nurse. And they no longer exist in our country.
Go snowmobiling
What goes up and down the stairs without moving?
two dads and two sons go fishing everybody catches a fish and they bring every fish home home with them but only have three fish how is this?
They that have lived a single day have lived an age.
How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheburg.
Theres a three foot tall man who lives on the thirteenth floor. On a regular sunny day he takes the elevator only up to the seventh floor and walks up the stairs for the rest . He takes the elevator down for all floors. On rainy days, he takes the elevator up and down all the floors. Why does he take the stairs up after the seventh floor on a regualr sunny day?
Our imagination just needs space. It's all it needs, that moment where you just sort of stare into the distance where your brain gets to sort of somehow rise up.
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors... ...it's just something I can see myself doing.
There's a sadness to the human condition that I think music is good for. It gives a counterpoint to the visual beauty, and adds depth to pictures that they wouldn't have if the music wasn't there.
What is broken as soon as it is said?
What is red when you buy it, and brown when you thow it away?
Why is it you feel like a dope if you laugh alone, but that's usually how you end up crying?
Why don't cannibals like clowns? they taste funny!
We don't stop going to school when we graduate.
How many bathrooms are in the whole entire world?
Why are contortionists always angry? Their work usually has them pretty bent out of shape.
The zeitgeist is for cutting spending and balancing the budget. But I do not want the Republican Party to be perceived as putting the budget ahead of people, jobs and education.
I Have A Bed But Do Not Sleep, I Have A Mouth But Do Not Speak, What Am I?
What's a dog's favorite mode of transportation? A waggin'
I'd love to date somebody cool, fun, funny.
I can trap many different things and colors, Ever changing, not boring. Look closely and you may find yourself also caught in my trap. What am I?
There was a running race, a girl over took second place what place is she now?
He who studies books alone will know how things ought to be, and he who studies men will know how they are.
Why did the robber take a bath?
Kayak Long Island Sound
I never was, am always to be, No one ever saw me, nor ever will, And yet I am the confidence of all To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball. What am I?
Dreams are the touchstones of our character.
The interest in the supernatural in a very generic sense and in the spiritual is not in itself a factor that helps the communication of the Christian faith.
Why should you avoid people dressed as celery? They could be stalking you!
what when you buy is black use is red then throw is gray
I always found the extraordinary loss of life in the First World War very moving. I remember learning about it as a very young child, as an eight- or nine-year-old, asking my teachers what poppies were for. Every year the teachers would suddenly wear these red paper flowers in their lapels, and I would say 'What does that mean?'
Many will view the compromises that will be made during your negotiations as painful concessions. But why not view them as peace offerings, ones that will provide in return the priceless gifts of hope, security and freedom for our children and our children's?
why did the girl take a ruler to bed?
Stay in a hostel
A man and a woman live in a round mansion. The man walks into the living room and finds out that his wife has been murdered. He asked all his employees if they murdered her and what they were doing at the time. First he questioned the butler. The butler said,"No, it wasn't me, I was taking your son to the school dance." Next he questioned the maid. The maid said,"No, it wasn't me. I took a bath, then I dusted the corners of the mansion, then topping the afternoon off by reading my book. Finally he questioned the chef. The chef said,"No, it wasn't me. I was preparing your roast beef for this evening's dinner? Which one of his employees is the murderer?
What do you call a nosey pepper? Jalapeno Business
The dead cannot cry out for justice. It is a duty of the living to do so for them.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
My own experience is that a certain kind of genius among students is best brought out in bed.
What is the next letter in this sequence. A,B,C,D,E,F,G.....?
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach"
Reason is an action of the mind knowledge is a possession of the mind but faith is an attitude of the person. It means you are prepared to stake yourself on something being so.
I was born in Corpus Christi, Texas, the youngest of four girls, including my oldest sister, Lisa, who has special needs. My mom was a special education teacher, and my dad worked on the Army base. We weren't wealthy, but we were determined to succeed.
I'm light as a feather, but no man can hold me What am I?
The most important training, though, is to experience life as a writer, questioning everything, inventing multiple explanations for everything. If you do that, all the other things will come if you don't, there's no hope for you.
What do other people use but you dont??
My parents used to throw great New Year's Eve parties. They invited such an eclectic mix of showbiz people. All those cool people were always hanging out at our apartment.
If you have toast, where do you put the toast?
Visit the site of the Halifax Explosion
What falls but never breaks? What breaks but never falls?
A beautiful bouquet or a long-lasting flowering plant is a traditional gift for women, but I have recommended that both men and women keep fresh flowers in the home for their beauty, fragrance, and the lift they give our spirits.
I emphasize... that the Harrimans showed great courage and loyalty and confidence in us, because three or four of us were really running the business, the day to day business.
Apparently vegetables can hear when they're being eaten. So I always drown mine in salad dressing first. Because it's the Romaine thing to do.
A successful marriage isn't necessarily one that lasts until you're dead.
WHICH LETTER CAN FLY
My friend told an out of place joke about police searches. But I don't think it was warranted.
Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
Camp in the Amazon
I think that a man should not live beyond the age when he begins to deteriorate, when the flame that lighted the brightest moment of his life has weakened.
that person has been married many women, but he had never been married. WHO IS HE?
For centuries we have been living in the society where not laws but people ruled, where there was no legal state.
I am pink I have a curly and I am fat what am I?
What type of melon would Romeo and Juliet have been? Cantaloupe.
A belief in hell and the knowledge that every ambition is doomed to frustration at the hands of a skeleton have never prevented the majority of human beings from behaving as though death were no more than an unfounded rumor.
What chicken is said to come frome the sea, yet it comes in a can?
The darker the film, the more vital everyone's sense of humor is on set.
By shear coincidence... ...all these sheep look the same...
I feel like I'm part of history being made. I leave Apple board meetings thinking, 'I've got to do a better job.'
Fire a gun
There are 3 words in the english language that end in G-R-Y.Hungry,angry and a third.What is the 3rd word?
I suffer, I eat and I long await retirement; what am I?
Therefore, when I considered this carefully, the contempt which I had to fear because of the novelty and apparent absurdity of my view, nearly induced me to abandon utterly the work I had begun.
Men seldom, or rather never for a length of time and deliberately, rebel against anything that does not deserve rebelling against.
See the Nazca Lines from above
Lisa walked out the back door of the farmhouse on a Thursday afternoon and found a man's pipe, a scarf and three lumps of coal lying on the wet grass. They weren't there on Tuesday and no one had been near the house for weeks. Where did the objects come from?
My desire is to be a forgiving, non-judgmental person.
I have a big mouth and I am also quite loud! I am NOT a gossip but I do get involved with everyone's dirty business. Can you name me?
What did the slab of meat say when it was covered in salt and left out to dry? "I'm cured!"
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind.
There was a group of islands on the pacific. On one of the islands there was a ship wreck survivor. He had found a cave for shelter from the scorching sun. If he stayed out in the open he would die with in minutes. Before he went deep into the cave, the last transmission he got on the radio said that a ship would be passing by in 45 minutes, then the radio went out of batteries. In the cave there was no way of looking outside. All he had was a lighter and two ropes. The ropes will burn for an hour each, but the burning rates are inconsistent throughout the rope. How will the man know when to come out of the cave?
Parenting is an impossible job at any age.
Knock knock! **Who's there?** *Tank* **Tank who?** *You're welcome*
Poop?
How do you make gold soup? You use 14 carrots.
Men should be either treated generously or destroyed, because they take revenge for slight injuries - for heavy ones they cannot.
How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?
What's the best thing to put into a pie? Your teeth.
Whatever is done for love always occurs beyond good and evil.
What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it drops out of a tree, it'll kill you?
what has 4 wheels, two trucks. and one deck, and is used to skateboard?
And I have to say, what motivates me every day and I know my Democratic colleagues is to remember that every day 14,000 people get up in the morning with insurance that go to bed at night without it and most of them because they lost their job.
Spend a weekend on a country estate
I was taught a lot of Bible at home and had a voracious appetite for reading the Bible.
A certain large animal lives happily and thrives here on Earth. One day, every single one of these critters is wiped out by a mysterious disease which affects only this particular animal. There are none left anywhere on earth -- they are all gone. About a year or so later, they begin to reappear on Earth again. How can this be?
What did Captain Ahab say when he harpooned a whale's tail fin on the first try? "Well that was a fluke."
Homesickness is nothing. Fifty percent of the people in the world are homesick all the time.
There are 99 penguins in a boat the boat turn upside down how many penguins were left