A man lived in a cell with no doors, no food and no drinks. The only thing he had in the cell was a calender, table and a bed. What did he eat???
The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.
You always hear the phrase, money doesn't buy you happiness. But I always in the back of my mind figured a lot of money will buy you a little bit of happiness. But it's not really true. I got a new car because the old one's lease expired.
A cowboy rides into town on a horse on sunday, he leaves 3 days later on Friday.how is this possible?
Coming in on little cat paws, once it reaches its goal, quickly back it draws. At night it reaches farther, and during the day its more subdued, whatever the weather, what ever its mood. What is it?
I have always had this view about the modern education system: we pay attention to brain development, but the development of warmheartedness we take for granted.
The war on terrorism has made national security a legitimate concern, and a rising deficit, changes brought on by globalization and even the price of oil have thrown the nation's economic health into question.
Voiceless it cries, wingless flutters, toothless bites, mouthless mutters. What am I?
For me the greatest beauty always lies in the greatest clarity.
By morning i have 4 legs, afternoon I have 2, and night I have 3. What am I?
Did you hear about the schizophrenic accounts manager? He couldn't help but hear invoices inside his head.
a panda was sitting in a tree at a 45 degree angle. A branch was below him at 36 degrees facing left and another branch at a 21 degrees facing right. If the panda layed a egg pointing down to the middle of the branches at a 67 degree angle, which way will the egg fall, left or right?
I think within Japan there is talk about how there is the need to reassess the future of the U.S.-Japan alliance.
Don't bring your need to the marketplace, bring your skill. If you don't feel well, tell your doctor, but not the marketplace. If you need money, go to the bank, but not the marketplace.
what is greater than god, more evil than the devil,the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it you'll die what is it?
Whats brown and sticky?
The baby boomers are getting older, and will stay older for longer. And they will run right into the dementia firing range. How will a society cope? Especially a society that can't so readily rely on those stable family relationships that traditionally provided the backbone of care?
A cowboy rides into town on friday he stays for three days and leaves on friday how is this possible?
The fame that goes with wealth and beauty is fleeting and fragile intellectual superiority is a possession glorious and eternal.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
Other than being colors, what do the words orange, silver and purple have in common?
I have discovered the secret of happiness - it is work, either with the hands or the head. The moment I have something to do, the draughts are open and my chimney draws, and I am happy.
I had to find a diet that would kick me back into dating shape, because I know that I can't date at size 8. I have to date at size 2. And it's just a fact of nature. Go get your injections and your chemical peels. You gotta look good to attract a man.
all of the buildings are black and there is no electricety and all the cars are painted black and a car is coming and there is a dog how can not see or hear and how can the persone in the car see the dog the person cant hear
A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart.
What do dwarves use to cut their pizza? Little Caesars
What does Donald Trump call his rule list? The MAGA Carta
A man who lived on the top floor of a twenty story building had to go up and down daily for work, and of course, for food and the other necessities. On most days he could only ride the elevator to the fifteenth story, and he would have to walk the rest of the way. When it rained, however, he could ride all the way up to the twentieth story. Why?
The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife.
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.
a guy walks into a bar and says ouch!!why'd he say ouch?
I wanted to be a skinny little ballerina but I was a voluptuous little Italian girl whose dad had meatballs on the table every night.
What come but never arrives?
Why can't you hear it when a pteranodon goes to the bathroom? Because they're all dead.
It is possible to provide security against other ills, but as far as death is concerned, we men live in a city without walls.
Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
There are ten people, and ten apples in a basket. Each person gets one apple, but there is still one apple left in the basket. How is this possible?
My childhood was safe and sane. No abuse and no traumas. I was surrounded by a large and loving family who taught me the importance of hard work and a meaningful education.
I just like the company of beautiful women. I have a weakness in that department. And I suppose because I am fairly well off and a famous musician, I'm up for grabs. And that makes me an eligible bachelor in the press.
But my most favourite pursuit, after my daily exertions at the Foundry, was Astronomy. There were frequently clear nights when the glorious objects in the Heavens were seen in most attractive beauty and brilliancy.
If you share me you don't have me, but if you have me you haven't shared me. What am I?
About 15 years ago I went though a period of a year or so when I just couldn't find anything good. My wife noticed I was having trouble reading menus. I bought some cheap reading glasses in a drug store. I got home and suddenly all these books that weren't good were good.
I like to say, jazz music is kind of like my musical equivalent of comfort food. You know, it's always where I go back to when I just want to feel sort of grounded.
i am a red carpet with seats around me they are sometimes yellow ,white and black what am i
They do not love that do not show their love.
I am everywhere you go, I hear everything you say, I see all that you see, But, i am unseen. What am I?
Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.
I definitely feel more complete than before. There's a void you have when you don't feel you've found the other part of who you are, so I'm in a different place now and that's nice to experience.
It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, cannot be heard, cannot be smelt, it lies behind stairs and under hills, and empty holes it fills, it comes first then follows after, end life and kills laughter. What is It?
You are usually a failing student and you finally got a tutor. He is a very smart student and finally exam day comes up. Before that though, you said "You a the best tutor ever! I never get a bad grade anymore! Awesome!" . When you get your test back, you see something like a G. What was your real grade?
The wisdom of the wise and the experience of the ages is preserved into perpetuity by a nation's proverbs, fables, folk sayings and quotations.
your driving a bus and 17 people are on the bus 5 get on and three get off whats the bus drivers name?
I believe that government is the servant of the people and not their master.
Eating disorders can have serious medical and psychological consequences which, left unchecked, can kill. Parents should address this issue and ask their children to discuss how they feel about themselves.
You break it even if you name it!
We have not invaded anyone. We have not conquered anyone. We have not grabbed their land, their culture, their history and tried to enforce our way of life on them.
The beauty that addresses itself to the eyes is only the spell of the moment the eye of the body is not always that of the soul.
The medical literature tells us that the most effective ways to reduce the risk of heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes, Alzheimer's, and many more problems are through healthy diet and exercise. Our bodies have evolved to move, yet we now use the energy in oil instead of muscles to do our work.
There are 5 houses in 5 different colors. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same beverage. The question is: Who owns the fish? Hints: The Brit lives in the red house. The Swede keeps dogs as pets. The Dane drinks tea. The green house is on the left of the white house. The green homeowner drinks coffee. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill. The man living in the center house drinks milk. The Norwegian lives in the first house. The man who smokes Blend lives next to the one who keeps cats. The man who keeps the horse lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill. The owner who smokes Bluemaster drinks beer. The German smokes prince. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house. The man who smokes Blend has a neighbor who drin...
There is a wisdom in this beyond the rules of physic: a man's own observation what he finds good of and what he finds hurt of is the best physic to preserve health.
WHAT IS IT: the maker makes it, the seller sells it, but the buyer doesn't use it. What is it?
as i was going to saint Iises i met a guy with seven wives with seven sacks and seven cats who each had seven kittens how many were going to saintIises
The road to the future leads us smack into the wall. We simply ricochet off the alternatives that destiny offers. Our survival is no more than a question of 25, 50 or perhaps 100 years.
My main point is to be funny if I can slip a message in there, fine.
Dengaku Man Is jumping on a trampoline in the middle of his living room. Everytime he lands on the trampoline everything in the living room, including Dengaku Man & the trampoline, doubles in size. When Dengaku Man stops, everything in the living room looks the same to him. Why?
Who does God never see,kings rarely see,but regular people see all the time?
One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people's minds.
I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.
I am born long and die short. What am I?
What fastens two people yet touches only one?
We shall be better prepared for the future if we see how terrible, how doomed the present is.
Ancient time is the key to this creature's indentity, A bite so deadly it can kill a man, A solitary creature which shall never take a permanent mate, What is this creature's name?
With faith and courage, generations of Armenians have overcome great suffering and proudly preserved their culture, traditions, and religion and have told the story of the genocide to an often indifferent world.
There was once a city that was all black- the buildings, the people, and all other things. One day, a black-painted man drove into the city with a black car, but he stopped because he saw a black cat. How is it possible if the city was all black?
I AM a pet and I am always on the floor plus I never move what am I?
Ours is an excessively conscious age. We know so much, we feel so little.
Success is never final, but failure can be.
What is in the middle of Paris?
I think that the good and the great are only separated by the willingness to sacrifice.
What form of radiation bakes you cookies? A gramma ray
Optimism is a kind of heart stimulant - the digitalis of failure.
I am the owner of a pet store. If I put in one canary per cage, I have one bird too many. If I put in two canaries per cage, I have one cage too many. How many cages and canaries do I have?
A large truck is crossing a bridge 1 mile long. The bridge can only hold 14000 lbs, which is the exact weight of the truck. The truck makes it half way across the bridge and stops. A bird lands on the truck. Does the bridge collapse? Give a reason.
The political system is not for the people. The people are secondary to the economy. It's about what generates money, not about what benefits the people.
Where love is, there God is also.
What comes after everything?