the one that can see can't hold,the one that can hold can't eat,the one that can eat can't be full.
When I graduated from high school, it was during the Depression and we had no money.
Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs, <
Where do Cows go for parties? The Moovies
Stamp collecting
Spend a week living like people from another time
The excessive regard of parents for their children, and their dislike of other people's is, like class feeling, patriotism, save-your-soul-ism, and other virtues, a mean exclusiveness at bottom.
A man acquainted with history may, in some respect, be said to have lived from the beginning of the world, and to have been making continual additions to his stock of knowledge in every century.
All about, but cannot be seen, Can be captured, cannot be held, No throat, but can be heard. What is it?
Walt put everything he knew about communication with images into the park, so it was very familiar.
how can you make 7 even?
A celibate, like the fly in the heart of an apple, dwells in a perpetual sweetness, but sits alone, and is confined and dies in singularity.
what store lets their customers do something that they would get arrested for in another store???
People are so bad at driving cars that computers don't have to be that good to be much better. Any time you stand in line at the D.M.V. and look around, you're like, Oh, my God, I wish all these people were replaced by computer drivers.
Environmentalists have a very conflicted relationship with their cars.
What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large
The beginning of eternity. The end of time and space. The begining of every end. And end of every place!
Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations.
it walks on 4 legs in the morning, 2 at noon , and 3 at night.what is it?
Why did the grocery delivery guy get fired? He drove people bananas!
What is human warfare but just this an effort to make the laws of God and nature take sides with one party.
WHAT IS SO COOL
A revised schedule is to business what a new season is to an athlete or a new canvas to an artist.
Santa Claus, the Toothfairy, an Old Lady, and the Perfect Man,are all walking down the street when they all simaltaneously see a hundred dollar bill on the ground.They all go for it at the exact same time and speed. Who gets the money?
You learn about equality in history and civics, but you find out life is not really like that.
there is 1 in evry corner and 2 in evry room what is it
I've always looked the same. Since I was a child, I hated having to deal with my hair. I hated having to change my clothes. As a kid, I had a sailor shirt and the same old corduroy pants, and that's what I wanted to wear everyday.
I sail the seas for money As I attack anothers ship Then I take the spoils of the battle The enemy is in my grip What am I?
there are 3 men. each men go to a hotel and rent a room(rent the same room altogether). THey pay off how much the room is which is 30$. They pay it off but the manager forgets to return 5$ to him. He tells the bellboy to give the men their money. THere are each of the three people get a dollar. What happens to the last 2$.
Why should we not expect self-designated environmental leaders to practice what they preach?
What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Anyone can roast beef...
There have been in this century only one great man and one great thing: Napoleon and liberty. For want of the great man, let us have the great thing.
I'm a famous drink that a lot of people like When there's no coffee for delight I'm a national drink that usually comes with a treat So now try to guess what I may be.
There was a depressed sausage... he thought his life was THE WURST.
I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.
I had a lot of anger inside me and that came out at times that were not particularly advantageous to me career-wise.
Where is there is no south, west, nor east, and weather not fit for man or beast
Because one doesn't like the way things are is no reason to be unjust towards God.
4people were playing a game when 1 of them got money from the bank.The person knew it was fake money but he didn't say anything thing about.Why didn't he say it was fake?
Be in a real fight
We all struggle with our failure to communicate and our failure to reach beyond fear to love people.
You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you.
i am a house with no windoos and doors but still theffs brek in and stel my gold what an i?
The golden age is before us, not behind us.
A man moves his car to the bank then suddenly becomes bankrupt, how is this possible?
Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought for with ardor and diligence.
Why does Mario hate Punchbug? Because he bruises like-a Peach!
I have great faith in fools self-confidence my friends call it.
im green , black , red, i live in the dark and never see daylight what am i
The future is green energy, sustainability, renewable energy.
What is the difference betweenan a shiny new penny,and an old dirty quarter?
God hath given you one face, and you make yourselves another.
there is a woman on a boat.With a red perry coat ann if u don't know her name it's u 2 blame?what's her name
I grew up in a household where everybody lived at the top of his lungs.
Poetry is that art which selects and arranges the symbols of thought in such a manner as to excite the imagination the most powerfully and delightfully.
If I'm playing in the morning, I'll get some carbs early: porridge with chopped banana. If I'm playing in the afternoon, I'll start with less carbs and have some eggs and fruit for breakfast, then a light lunch about 90 minutes before I play, so I don't feel sluggish or full.
A meeting of all animals has been called, you are one of the most important, and must attend, on the way you run into a river that you must cross because there is no way around. There is a sign that reads Danger: Hungry Crocodiles in River, how do you get across without getting hurt?
One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.
Wine hath drowned more men than the sea.
whats greater then god more evil then the devil, poor people have it, rich people need it, a brave man is scared of it, and if you eat it you will die
I was embarrassed that I even wanted to become an actress because coming from L.A., with two older sisters in the business and a mom who had been a ballet dancer, it was such a cliche.
Your Amish, you have no lighting, no heat, and your in the middle of winter. You have a carasene lamp, matches, kindling wood to put in your wood stove and candles. What do you light first?
Faith is the first step to understanding. Either it's the Word of an infallible God, the fallible words of men, or faith in what you personally believe. You've got to have faith in something. Believe me.
You are walking through a wide open field. Their on the ground in front of you, is a man. He is face down and dead. Attached to him is a backpack You look inside of it. You know exactly how he died. What is in his backpack?
Why was the Headless Horseman depressed? He could never seem to get ahead in life.
Society in every state is a blessing, but government, even in its best stage, is but a necessary evil in its worst state an intolerable one.
This thing all things devours, Birds, Beasts, Trees, Flowers, Gnaws Metal, bites Iron, Grinds hard stone to meal, Slays King, ruins town, And beats high mountain down.
Architecture will always express the technical and social progress of the country in which it is carried out. If we wish to give it the human content that it lacks, we must participate in the political struggle.
When The Moon Is Full I Am Whole, When The Moon Is Crescent I Am Halfed, When There Is An Eclipse I Am Gone, What Am I ?
The great advance of personal computers was not the computing power per se but the fact that it brought it right to your face, that you had control over it, that were confronted with it and could steer it.
I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me.
You can have me but can't share me and if you share me you don't have me. What am I?
He who is too busy doing good finds no time to be good.
Little Nancy Etticoat In a white petticoat And a red nose The longer she stands The shorter she grows.
All my life I knew that there was all the money you could want out there. All you have to do is go after it.
In Spring I look happy, Deck'd in comely array, In Summer more clothing I wear; When colder it grows, I fling off my clothes, And in Winter quite naked appear.
I believe the best service to the child is the service closest to the child, and children who are victims of neglect, abuse, or abandonment must not also be victims of bureaucracy. They deserve our devoted attention, not our divided attention.
I am a guy brothers and sisters I have none but the picture on the wall is the son of my fathers son. Who is it?
I've worked with a lot of people who are more famous than myself who are terribly insecure.
what do u call a bucket that is red?
Happiness is spiritual, born of truth and love. It is unselfish therefore it cannot exist alone, but requires all mankind to share it.
What's a scaredy cat's favorite dinner?
All you need is love.
The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it, and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
Why does the dog go to the gym? He wants to get ruff
A man is dead in a room along with 53 bicycles. How was he killed?
I don't see myself as famous at all so I'm continuing my life as normal.
Go on a cruise
I am weightless, but you can see me. Put me in a bucket, and I'll make it lighter. What am I?
My mom brought me up to believe that my talent is a gift and a blessing.
He's a good tough producer, yes. But I don't think that he's unreasonable unless he feels threatened. And when somebody's in your home, I think everybody in the home gets threatened.
A man walks into a bar and straight up to the bartender and asked for a glass of water. The bartender reaches behind the counter and instead of water points a shotgun in the mans face. The man then walks away satisfied. Why?