When an actor has money he doesn't send letters, he sends telegrams.
A certain number has three digits. The sum of the three digits equals 36 times this number. Seven times the left digit plus 9 is equal to 5 times the sum of the two other digits. 8 times the second digit minus 9 is equal to the sum of the first and third. What is the number?
Mr. Tennyson has said that more things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of, but he wisely refrains from saying whether they are good or bad things.
It feels quite cool, in a mad way, to be someone who skulks about in the shadows.
You're in a dark cave with only one match a lump of coal a stove and a kerosenelamp you have the option of lighting one which do you light first
Travel with a caravan in the Sahara
Tour skating
A lady loved pink so she painted her ceiling in her bungerlow pink, her walls pink and everything pink so what colour were her stairs?
I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires.
what room has no windows,floors,celings,or doors?
Ride the Ghan or the Indian Pacific
I came up with a joke about my old cell phone Nevermind, it tends to get terrible reception
Which is monsters favourite game
The main purpose of life is to live rightly, think rightly, act rightly. The soul must languish when we give all our thought to the body.
What do you call a dead fly? a flew
People who build family businesses are not classically trained. They have to deal with an enormous amount of politics. You think corporate politics are tough? Go work for your dad or your mom.
Nothing on the outside Nothing on the inside Light as a feather Yet ten men cannot lift it. What is it?
Though men are apt to flatter and exalt themselves with their great achievements, yet these are, in truth, very often owing not so much to design as chance.
Scuba dive the Florida Keys
It takes a long time to become young.
What do you call a burial chamber full of Moose? Moosoleum.
A man went home and asked her wife"Where is our Son??".
Why did the bald man draw rabbits all over his head? From a distance they look like hares!
In 1998, Artnet was the site that convinced me that if my writing didn't exist online, it didn't exist at all. It showed me criticism's future.
What's greater than God, is worse than the Devil, the rich need it, the poor have it, and if you eat it, you'll die?
Have a Singapore Sling at Raffles Bar in Singapore
Why did the rope get put in timeout? Because he was very knotty.
If I could have been a marine biologist I would have, but I didn't have that kind of intelligence. Numbers were never my strong point.
There lived a man in a house and everytime he went to bed he turned on the light. One night, the man forgot to turn on the light. The next day he read the paper and killed himself. Why?
a box without hinges, key, or a lid, yet golden treasures inside are hid
Geez, all that money we waste on space exploration just think how many bombs that would buy!
I can make a movie with my hand. All it takes is a FLICK of the wrist!
Inside every working anarchy, there's an Old Boy Network.
Little Nanncy Etticoat, In a white petticoat, And a red nose. The longer she stands, The sharter she grows.
What's the internal temperature of a Taun-Taun? Lukewarm
My mom grew up in poverty in Oklahoma - like Dust Bowl, nine people in one room kind of place - and the way she got out of poverty was through education. My dad grew up without a dad, with very little and he also made his way out through education.
What has a head at night but not in the morning?
Ride in an airboat
I'm from Tennessee. My mom lives in Nashville. I'm born and bred country. That's all I listen to.
im in a house. theres no doors and no windows. to get out i have to smash through the walls what am i?
Those who want the Government to regulate matters of the mind and spirit are like men who are so afraid of being murdered that they commit suicide to avoid assassination.
there are 10 people and you invite them to dinner. you only have one plate. how can you share the plate?
What do call a horse that lives near you? A naybor.
Swim with manatees in the wild
Love is very real, you will find it someday, but it has one enemy-and that's life.
What is the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter?
Get down to my ideal weight
A beggar has this. A king/rich man needs this. And a dead man eats this. What is it?
We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from life.
Planning
We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart too big for the body.
Poor people have it. Rich people can't have it.What I'm I?
The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office.
What is brakes every time you speak?
Walk through Antelope Canyon
I had all kinds of food issues, including health concerns and weight concerns.
I went to a shredded cheese convention the other day... it was grate
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
Two men were playing tennis. They played five sets and each man won three sets. How can this be possible?
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
I went to an ATM... I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I think when I was a kid, and I was in England and it was all about The Stones, The Who, The Kinks and The Beatles and that's what my dad was into.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day.
A man is dead in a field with a pack on his back and a pin in his hand. how did he die?
My future's about trying to be a better man.
See giant pandas in Sichuan province
We now have TWO Wawa's by the interstate. The one on the east side of I4 is not so bad. But the other one, whoa. It's the Wawa West over there.
Artists need some kind of stimulating experience a lot of times, which crystallizes when you sing about it or paint it or sculpt it. You literally mold the experience the way you want. It's therapy.
What relation would your father's sister's sister-in-law be to you?
What is a rocket's favorite meal? Launch!
My acting career began at age three and my parents got me into it. I was in a McDonald's commercial.
I've got your back, but I can let you down. I can tell te truth, but I can also lie. I can be nice, but also mean. I can make you laugh, but I can make you cry. I can stay the same,but I can change. What am I?
Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.
Ok. Imagine You Was Driving A Bus, You Had 10 Passengers You Dropped Off 5 You Picked Up 100 You Dropped Off 15 Then You Picked Up 10.... What Was The Drivers Name?
I never was good at learning things. I did just enough work to pass. In my opinion it would have been wrong to do more than was just sufficient, so I worked as little as possible.
Below is a short poem to help you determine the next letter in the sequence that follows: Both backward and forward I may go But just one way makes sense Don't you know So don't be confused, don't be surprised All you must do Is use your eyes What comes next?
All the electricity was out in town and none of the street lights or traffic signals had power. A dark limousine was cruising down the newly paved blacktop, with its headlights off. A young boy dressed totally in black (with no reflectors) stepped out to cross the street. The moon wasn?t out and the boy had no flashlight, yet the driver stopped to let the boy cross the street. How did the driver see the boy?
What do you call an Autobot who works in an overpriced makeup store at the mall ? Ulta Magnus!
I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world.
Why shouldn't you have coffee while on the clock? Because that would be "grounds" for termination!
I find, by experience, that the mind and the body are more than married, for they are most intimately united and when one suffers, the other sympathizes.
There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. He has a wife and 2 kids. What does he weigh?
A mortal lives not through that breath that flows in and that flows out. The source of his life is another and this causes the breath to flow.
What is greater then God more evil then the devil the poor have it the rich need it and if you eat it you die!
3D printing
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I think the Iraqi people have shown extraordinary patience and courage in the last few months. They have really put a political system on the way to success, to a real democracy here.
I've got ten or more daughters. I've got less than ten daughters. I've got at least one daughter. If only one of these statements is true, how many daughters have I got?
What did the tailpipe say to the muffler? I'm exhausted. What did the muffler say back? ^mmmmbfmbm
When my mother got home from work, she would take me to the movies. It was her way of getting out, and she would take me with her. I'd go home and act all the parts. It had a tremendous influence on my becoming an actor.
A thing which is made for you, but you cannot feel it, or see it. What is that thing?
Acting is not being emotional, but being able to express emotion.
So, I was walking in my room. How did my dog get in there if she didn't run in there, walk in there, slide in there, and me or anyone else didn't put her in there?
The fear for a network is the viewer gets tired of you. Not that you lost any credibility, but they get tired of you.
How many minimalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1
The funny thing is, the girls that I'm always up against for roles are pretty nice and cool, like Emma Watson. She's awesome.
i zap through fast but you see me slow.
Explore the Arashiyama Bamboo Forest
Who is the roundest knight at King Arthur's table? Sir Cumference.
Drink vodka in Russia
what side of a chicken has the most feathers?
There are 2 doors behind one is treasure and behind the other are lions waiting to rip you apart. In front of one door is a knight and in front of another door is a knave. The knight will never lie and the knave will only lie. They both know what's behind each door. You can ask them either one question or ask them to do one thing. What do you ask them or tell them so that you can get to the treasure?
Superman and Eyore had a baby. The baby's name? Supereyore
I'm a mom - I'm lucky if I get to shower in the morning. Luckily, nail polish stays on my toes. I've been so bad on the upkeep, though.
i'm the beggining of eternity the end of time and space the beggining of every end and the end of every race. What am i ?
So we really need jobs now. We have to take jobs away from other countries because other countries are taking our jobs. There is practically not a country that does business with the United States that isn't making - let's call it a very big profit. I mean China is going to make $300 billion on us at least this year.
I go forward but never back. I go round and round and never get dizzy and never stop. What am I?
I think the first and principle objective is to repeal Obamacare before it does lasting, fundamental damage to our health care system, to our individual liberty, to the relationship each of us has with his or her doctor.
Parents, it seems, have an almost Olympian persistence when it comes to suggesting more secure and lucrative lines of work for their children who have the notion that writing is an actual profession. I say this from experience.
adam is walking down the street and he found a $50 bill but he did not picked it up but instad go to a market and steal some fish wht?
Her: "Say something soft and sweet", Him: "Marshmallow."
It's become unfashionable to celebrate political achievement, and Labour achievement even less so. And it's positively uncouth to be proud of something that this Labour government is doing. So, slam me for saying so, but I'm really proud of the NHS.
which place is showered most offently.
Why are proteins so cranky? Because they're made of a mean ol' acids.
If Obama wanted to make radical changes to America's health long-term, all he has to do is treble the price of sugar and salt.
In this country it is a good thing to kill an admiral from time to time to encourage the others.
Visit the Forbidden City
if you put a blue coloyred wood in a green coloured water.what will happen?
I believe the first test of a truly great man is in his humility.
A dog was blind.The dog walked into a room and thought, this looks different.How did the dog see the room and why did it look different?
When I climb into my car, I enter my destination into a GPS device, whose spatial memory supplants my own. I have photographs to store the images I want to remember, books to store knowledge and now, thanks to Google, I rarely have to remember anything more than the right set of search terms to access humankind's collective memory.
What animal is most likely to eat a relative?
Cornhole
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