Choose your companions from the best Who draws a bucket with the rest soon topples down the hill.
What did one slice of bread say to the other at the end of a game of chess? "It's stale, mate."
Which word can be placed between the two following words to make two new ones: TABLE - - - - HOUSE
I love photo sessions. I'm alone, I'm the queen, everyone's taking care of me.
The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
little nancy etticoat, in a white petticoat, and a red nose. the longer she stands, the shorter she grows.
How do trees get online? They just log in...
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
What is greater thatn God? What is more evil that Satan? Poor people have it Rich people need it If you eat it you will die What is it
Out of Jordan, Tyson, and Jackson, which Michael has never been to court?
You know, the diversity that America has is so special. It's starting to really become a cool thing for young people.
I've always been wary of marriage.
Im black, white and read all over. what am i ?
The cool thing is that now that people have made this evolution where cooking is cool, people are doing it on weekends, they're doing their own challenges. It's back to cooking. And it's real cooking.
I am a tick, I am usually black or white, You will find me on many clothing, People think I am cool
For age is opportunity no less Than youth itself, though in another dress, And as the evening twilight fades away The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.
There is as much greatness of mind in acknowledging a good turn, as in doing it.
Have a penpal from another country and meet them
What are the two things you can't have for lunch?
What do men hate the most??
If I die a violent death, as some fear and a few are plotting, I know that the violence will be in the thought and the action of the assassins, not in my dying.
My mom and I have always been really close. She's always been the friend that was always there. There were times when, in middle school and junior high, I didn't have a lot of friends. But my mom was always my friend. Always.
do they have a 4th of july in England.
Visit the Crazy House in Vietnam
why is the sea salty?
Whats Marios favorite type of jeans? denim denim denim!
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love it is the prerogative of the brave.
Amazingly when you add life and consciousness to the equation you can actually explain some of the biggest puzzles of science.
What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of prison? A small medium at large!
"I have only one foot, but thousands of toes; My one foot stands, but never goes. I have many arms, and they're mighty all; And hundreds of fingers, large and small. From the ends of my fingers my beauty grows. I breathe with my hair, and I drink with my toes. I grow bigger and bigger about the waist, And yet I am always very tight laced. None e'er saw me eat -- I've no mouth to bite; Yet I eat all day in the full sunlight. In the summer with song I shave and quiver, But in winter I fast and groan and shiver." Who am I? -At the Back of the North Wind by George MacDonald, Chapter XXII
My laptop is so dumb. Every time it says "Your password is incorrect", I type in: "incorrect" and the silly thing still tells me the same thing.
When my son was born, and after a day of lying-in I was told that I could leave the hospital and take him home, I burst into tears. It wasn't the emotion of the moment: it was shock and horror.
WHAT IS BETTER THAN GOD, WORSE THAN THE DEVIL, POOR PEOPLE HAVE IT, BUT RICH PEOPLE DONT WANT IT.
One day there was a train with only two passengers,one on each side, the train went pass a cave and ONE of the man's face got dirty. However it was the man with the clean face who washed his face, why?
There's nothing wrong with anger provided you use it constructively.
There is not to be found, in all history, any miracle attested by a sufficient number of men, of such unquestioned good sense, education and learning, as to secure us against all delusion in themselves.
The maker does not want me The buyer does not use me The user does not see me What am I?
Why are pirates so mean? I dont know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
Shortly thereafter, some friends encouraged me to try out for the Miss South Carolina World beauty pageant. To my surprise, I won - and was sent to New York City to compete nationally.
what gets wet the more it drys????
I could be brown or blue of black I have more than 700 teeth If you dare approach me I could kill you with one bite Not many humans have seen me I'm completly out of sight
I also rise today in strong support of forward movement on the implementation of health information technology, which has the potential to save the United States billions of dollars in health care costs each year.
You are in a room that is completly bricked in on all four sides, including the cieling and floor. You have nothing but a mirror and a wooden table in the room with you. How do you get out?
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
Never play poker with a pieces of paper. They're bound to fold.
Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things, in which smiles and kindness, and small obligations given habitually, are what preserve the heart and secure comfort.
A cowboy rides into town on Friday and leaves four days later on Friday. How is this possible?
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
What kind of music does a printer make? A paper jam.
You don't have to give birth to someone to have a family.
you're walking through a blizzard and you finally reach a cabin. you go inside and find a candle, keresone lamp and a wood burning stove. you dig into your pocket and find one match. which of the items in the room would you light first?
The other day, I was looking through my socks, when I found one had a hole in it... "darn it..." I muttered.
People want the freedom. They want to be able to shop. If you don't like the shop trading hours and you're a shop owner, you don't have to open.
Play a round of golf on a PGA tour course
What runs, but never walks?
I don't think human beings learn anything without desperation. Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything or creating anything. Period. If you ain't desperate at some point, you ain't interesting.
I am the beginning of sorrow, and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me, yet I am in the midst of crosses. I am always in risk, yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness.
If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.
{ I have a long tongue, and when I am needed they use me. I am a protector for getting hurt. who am I?
Freedom is the by-product of economic surplus.
how many months have 28 days?
I'm French, so I'm quite lazy about exercising, and I smoke. But I do love going for a run in the morning with my dog. That's all.
Whoever neglects the arts when he is young has lost the past and is dead to the future.
what has a face but cannot smile?
What do you call a pile of dogs? A ruff terrain.
We are the only beings on the planet who lead such rich internal lives that it's not the events that matter most to us, but rather, it's how we interpret those events that will determine how we think about ourselves and how we will act in the future.
You heard me before, yet you hear me again, then I die, till you call again What am I?
Attend an international cricket match
Just went to an emotional wedding Even the cake was in tiers.
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
Look at the Roman Numeral IX. Add a symbol to it to make the number 6.
I like action movies, even though I think action movies are kind of derided now. But there is something extraordinary about action movies, which is absolutely linked to the invention of cinema and what cinema is and why we love it.
There are six men goin into a church for a mass. when the mass i finished all sox men come out of the church and it is raining! All six men go into the rain to get into the car! They all did not have an umbrella! But only five of them got wet. Why didn't the sixth on get wet?
Community activism
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
A person went to bed at 10:00pm and woke up at 8:00am. The person only got 9 hours of sleep. Explain this. Note, he did not get up in the middle of the night.
We ought to fly away from earth to heaven as quickly as we can and to fly away is to become like God, as far as this is possible and to become like him is to become holy, just, and wise.
Want to hear a dirty joke? horse fell in the mud!
Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself.
I don't know if I see myself as really an action hero, but I like doing physical movies and I like doing movies where the writing is very lean.
have you wondered how to say what on the other side in cow language?
Love. Fall in love and stay in love. Write only what you love, and love what you write. The key word is love. You have to get up in the morning and write something you love, something to live for.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say upon being asked to star in a Broadway production about the world's greatest composers? I'll be Bach.
Only one color, but not one size, Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies. Present in sun, but not in rain, Doing no harm, and feeling no pain. What is it?
The human brain now holds the key to our future. We have to recall the image of the planet from outer space: a single entity in which air, water, and continents are interconnected. That is our home.
Why do black sheep eat less than white sheep?
Another night, I dreamed I saw my father sweeping out the barn floor clean, and would not suffer the wheat to be brought in the barn. He appeared to me to be in anger.
My first joke here and an original! Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree? I heard it was a pretty shady business.
I always come first yet always found in the end. What am I?
I buy when other people are selling.
There is a blackout and everyone is running crazy, even you in a few minutes of time you come to 2 doors and bronze one or a gold one wich one do you go through? If you pick Gold you will go down a long hallway and at the end of the hallway theres 2 more doors one has a swgiley line on it and one has a straight line on it wich one do you go through. If you pick the straight line you come to a room with all boxes, boxes are everywhere so your walking around and you come to 2 holes in the groung one says enter and one says do not enter wich one do you go through? If you go through enter you drop in a kitchen and you see the door to a bathroom and a door to dinning room wich one do you go through? if you go through the bathroom you realize that it is not a bathroom. There is a man standing there saying you have to die here but im giving you the choose would you like to die by and electric chair, knife or a gun? (if you pick the other doors to go through the same thing will happen.)
Let's drink to the spirit of gallantry and courage that made a strange Heaven out of unbelievable Hell, and let's drink to the hope that one day this country of ours, which we love so much, will find dignity and greatness and peace again.
I start with t, i have t in me, and i end in t? What am I?
What did one dry erase marker say to the other? I'm bored!
Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage.
Storm chasing
At night they come without being fetched. By day they are lost without being stolen. What are they?
Death is a commingling of eternity with time in the death of a good man, eternity is seen looking through time.
I'm green most of the time Multicolored sometimes, gone others I hate the cold I have many twin brothers and sisters I have one parent with many arms My parent can't move. What am I?
Why don't crabs give to charities? They are shellfish.
I have four legs and somtimes two arms. All of my people have the same basic shape but we come in many sizes and colors. What am I?
I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path.
Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions.
We were delighted to have Nigel as a producer. The only problem is that Nigel is so famous that he seems to dominate most interviews without being there.
How did the aquarium win the battle? Giant Fish Tanks.
Ten Men's Strength, Ten Men's Length, Ten Men can't break it, Yet a young boy walks off with it
Neither should a ship rely on one small anchor, nor should life rest on a single hope.
Visit all of the ‘Stans
Brothers and sisters i have none, But that man's father, Is my father's son. Who is that man?
When I am young I am tall. When I am old I am short. What can I be?
I think about death a lot, I really do, because I can't believe I won't exist. It's the ego isn't it? I feel that I should retreat into a better form of Zen Buddhism than this kind of ego-dominated thing. But I don't know, I mean, I want to come back as a tree but I suspect that it's just not going to happen, is it?