Dan started laughing loudly. "What's the matter?" Asked Dan's father. "The clock is so messed up, its ticking backwards!" Replied Dan. "No it isn't that the clock is messed up, it's ticking normally! You are the one messed up!" Retorded Dan's father. Dan couldn't believe his ears! He ran upstairs to his room to cry. However, he knew his father was right.
I'm not sure what the future holds but I do know that I'm going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate. As my dad said 'Nic, it is what it is, it's not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.'
Why do fish live in salt water? Because *pepper* makes them sneeze!
If a man can bridge the gap between life and death, if he can live on after he's dead, then maybe he was a great man.
How many seconds are in a year
We each own one car, and we have a reasonable house. It's a lovely place to be, but it's not extravagant.
Happiness is like a sunbeam, which the least shadow intercepts, while adversity is often as the rain of spring.
What is lighter than air, floats on water and a thousand men can't pick up?
Everything is tennis for me, it's my career and it's entertainment, but it's also a business.
The ninety and nine are with dreams, content but the hope of the world made new, is the hundredth man who is grimly bent on making those dreams come true.
The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky.
There is a special species of bird that is really good at holding stuff together... They're called velcrows.
Our prayers should be for blessings in general, for God knows best what is good for us.
There's a man on a bridge.The man fell down lost his town but the bridge is still upstanding.Who is the man on the bridge?And what is the Bridge?
If my future were determined just by my performance on a standardized test, I wouldn't be here. I guarantee you that.
You can take off all of my skin and I will not cry but YOU will Why ?
Every day is a new day, and you'll never be able to find happiness if you don't move on.
1.I am a round thing.I am very important when two teams play a match.I am filled with air.I do burst. 2.Without me.people coannot communicate among themselves.Nobody can point to where I am.I have no face,no personality.I differ from person to persons. 3.I have four legs.I stay with human beings.My greatest enemy also has four legs and stays with human beings.My back has never touched the ground. 4.I am an alphabet.Without me there will be no title for a married woman or man.I am the first letter of the name of an important past African Head of State who did not serve his full term of office. 5.I decide the fate of students.I am held in schools.Without me nobody can select students to continue their education at higher levels.
There is joy in work. There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something.
There was an Italian gut, a Mexican guy, and a blonde American guy. They were all construction workers and they were all working on the same site. At lunch, they all opened the lunches. The Italian had a plate of Spaghetti, the Mexican had an Enchilada, and the Blonde had a Bologna Sandwich. They were all sick and tired of having the same thing everyday. So the Italian said 'If I eat another plate of Spaghetti, I am going to jump off the Empire State Building.'. 'Me too! If I eat another Enchilada, I will jump off too!' Agreed the Mexican. 'Me Three! If I eat another Bologna sandwich I will jump off also!' The next day they all had the same thing and all jumped of the building and died. At their funeral, the italian wife said ' If he would have told me, I would have packed him something different!' ' Me too!' Said the Mexicans wife. Then those two wives looked at the blondes wife.What do you think she said?(she is blonde)
What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, is something that the rich have need of and that the poor has in abundance?
For me, titles are either a natural two-second experience or stressful enough to give you an ulcer. If they don't pop out perfect on the first try, they can be really hard to repair. Or, worse, if the author thinks they pop out perfect, but the publishing house does not agree, it's difficult to shift gears. And then? Then you go insane.
I almost forgot what it's like to be proud of my government.
whats a liom when not a lion.
If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea, what does it become?
I remember thinking that I'd way rather give my parents my money, and not have to like have them go to work anymore, you know what I mean. Because I'd way rather spend more time with them.
Find an English word which is singular, add an "s" and it becomes plural, and add another "s" it becomes singular again?
Heaven and hell suppose two distinct species of men, the good and the bad. But the greatest part of mankind float betwixt vice and virtue.
A pair of monkeys sit in each corner of a square cage. they are all looking at each other. how many monkeys can say they are looking at another monkey?
I like to be busy and I like to have places to go in the morning, when I get up.
I sting people badly until they die. I have a long tail and have claws. What am I?
What has rivers but no water, cities but no buildings, forests but no trees, and deserts but no sand?
Good management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them.
I am small but cannot fit into your pocket, I am here by night and gone by day. What am I
Faith activates God - Fear activates the Enemy.
Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything.
I fell in the mud. And took a shower right after!
We have the greatest hospitals, doctors, and medical technology in the world - we need to make them accessible to every American.
The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.
what do these three words have in common... flour, tern, thirsty...
There was a man lying dead on the ground and there was a giant rock next to him. Who was he and How did he die???
All riches have their origin in mind. Wealth is in ideas - not money.
I am easily satisfied with the very best.
Which balls you cannot play with?
Louis Freeh said on national TV that actionable intelligence could have allowed us to stop the hijackings.
It has pleased and interested me to see how I could get along under difficult circumstances and with so much discomfort but as I say I was not sent out here to improve my temper or my health or to make me more content with my good things in the East.
If you can change three lives in 10, three lives in a hundred, that's got to be good, hasn't it?
It goes up, but at the same time goes down. Up toward the sky, and down toward the ground. It's present tense and past tense too, come for a ride, just me and you. What is it?
I turn around once. What is out will not get in. I turn around again. What is in will not get out. What am I?
History is, strictly speaking, the study of questions the study of answers belongs to anthropology and sociology.
I am sure that in Canada the people appreciate this principle, and the general intelligence which prevails over that country is such that I am sure there is no danger of a reactionary policy ever finding a response in the hearts of any considerable number of our people.
Metal or bone I may be, many teeth I have and always bared, yet my bite harms no one and ladies delight in my touch. What am I?
Music is where I have the most creative freedom, but I love producing. To me, that's kind of where all the action is. You get a chance to have your hands in every aspect of a film. From picking a director, sometimes picking a writer, to the actors, the wardrobe, set design, editing, music, and marketing.
Ok, so there was this short short man...and he lived in a building with 30 floors and he lived way way up at the top of it! Everyday sunny day he would walk up the stairs to his apartment but would talk the elevator down, but on rainy days he would talk the elevator up. Why does he do that?
Words without deeds violates the moral and legal obligation we have under the genocide convention but, more importantly, violates our sense of right and wrong and the standards we have as human beings about looking to care for one another.
You live in a one Story house. Everything is painted pink . What color are the stairs?
We conceal it from ourselves in vain--we must always love something. In those matters seemingly removed from love, the feeling is secretly to be found, and man cannot possibly live for a moment without it.
I Know You Care' is about my dad. And I haven't seen him for a long, long time. And my parents divorced when I was really young. And I guess I just wanted a - it was my way of saying that I wasn't bitter or angry anymore. I was just sad and just felt like something was missing.;Ellie Goulding;dad 12392;My father came from a very poor background, but I was very fortunate in the sense that we were never in need. My dad was determined to make sure that we didn't want for things. He wanted to give us more opportunity than he had, a better shot at a better life.;Brad Pitt;dad 12393;Since I was a boy, from this house, I was out rescuing crocodiles and snakes. My mum and dad were very passionate about that and, I was lucky enough to go along.;Steve Irwin;dad 12394;My mother and dad were big animal lovers, too. I just don't know how I would have lived without animals around me. I'm fascinated by them - both domestic pets and the wild community. They just are the most interesting things in t...
To be clear, climate change is a true 800 pound gorilla in the room. The effects of global warming threaten global environmental upheaval over the coming century. But for South Florida and the Everglades, it could be our death knell if urgent action is not taken.
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
As i was going to Zendi i met a man with seven wifes, every wife had seven sacks, every sack had seven cats, every cat had seven cittens, cittens,cats,sacks and wifes how many where going to Zendi.
From the naturalistic point of view, all men are equal. There are only two exceptions to this rule of naturalistic equality: geniuses and idiots.
Now on Friday nights, if I want to go hang out with friends, I go hang out with friends. If I want to stay in and be in the hot tub and have people over to watch movies, I do that.
you are a bus driver. at the first stop u drop off 10 kids. then u pick up 7 kids and drop off 2. in the next two stops 4 kids are droped off and 7 are picked up. what is the bus driver's name?
I don't pretend to understand the Universe - it's a great deal bigger than I am.
Foreign Ministry guys don't become agents. Party officials, the Foreign Ministry nerds, tend not to volunteer to Western intelligence agencies.
A photon checks into a hotel... The bellhop asks him if he has any luggage and the photon replies "No. I'm travelling light."
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
It has a miss in it an is and you sip it what is it?
What is round, weightless and you can put it in a barrel?
I went to Morocco, joined a band called Pegasus, ran out of money, went to Gibraltar and worked on the docks, writing songs about the sun and the morning and the birds.
who am i?
I can be long or short, i can be thick or thin, i can be red or white, and i'll always fit right. What am I?
Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.
How many animals were on Moses's ark?
God is not willing to do everything, and thus take away our free will and that share of glory which belongs to us.