How do you fit 10 horses in 9 stables if you cant split the horses in half and 2 horses cant be in the same one?
When I grew up, people said, 'You'll never be the man your dad was.' And I said, 'Gee, I hope not.'
I didn't know this about myself, but when 'Pirates of the Caribbean' came out I realised that I didn't enjoy a huge amount of recognition. I didn't react to it well, but I think life is about finding out who you are and what you like. So I started doing independent movies and art-house films instead.
It's just cool to me that Bon Jovi knows my name!
Everything is a learning experience.
whats a four legged caterpilar?
Humanitarian missions are little different from any other public enterprise, diplomacy included, which is susceptible of misinterpretation by the public, hence ultimately of failure.
who can jump higher than the highest mountain
I think the real heroic teachers are the ones who work with kids, like my mom and my sister do.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
What can be around the the world, and around the universe, yet be thin as paper and smaller than a dime?
You have to work for everything. Marriage should not be any different.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Who was the riches black smith in Kentucky?
Falling in love is the best way to kill your heart because then it's not yours anymore. It's laid in a coffin, waiting to be cremated.
I have often met with happiness after some imprudent step which ought to have brought ruin upon me, and although passing a vote of censure upon myself I would thank God for his mercy.
what is the difference between a chicken and you?
I am happy to make money. I want to make more money, make more music, eat Big Macs and drink Budweisers.
i smell very bad and don't want to open what am i?
Why do people talk of the horrors of old age? It's great. I feel like a fine old car with the parts gradually wearing out, but I'm not complaining,... Those who find growing old terrible are people who haven't done what they wanted with their lives.
There are 5 fishes in the water.... 1 drowns.... How many fishes are left?
I just invented a new word! It's called "plagiarism".
What Roars, Grinds boulders to sand, Softens wood, and supports all life?
What happens when you don't serve drinks at a party? There's no punch line.
I think my first big purchase was actually for my mom. She had one of those '90s TVs in her living room that's like a 10x10 brick, so I purchased her a flatscreen for her living room.
A ball player has to be kept hungry to become a big leaguer. That's why no boy from a rich family has ever made the big leagues.
I am the only bow u cannot tie. What am I?
March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path.
I am the ruler of shovels I have a double I am as thin as a knife I have a wife What am I?
There is only one class in the community that thinks more about money than the rich, and that is the poor. The poor can think of nothing else.
whats black when clean and white when dirty?
If love is shelter, I'm going to walk in the rain.
heart with a z on it can't be fixed
The four of us couldn't have made a record with the time left over when we were shooting the show. We were on stage from 7.30 in the morning 'til 7 at night. Later on, when there was a break from filming, and we were sick of doing it the old way.
I have four wheels and flies. What am i?
What name is given to the most chickens ? pEGGy
It is much easier to become a father than to be one.
You are a bus driver. At the first stop, 8 people get on, and two people get off. At the 2nd stop 4 people get on and 7 people get off. At the 3rd stop 9 people get off and 3 people get on. How old is the bus driver?
Cease to inquire what the future has in store, and take as a gift whatever the day brings forth.
What will you call a person who sleeps next to a close relative? A napkin.
Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name.
a man is found dead in the closet at an amish house. the suspects r: Wife- said was cleaning the kitchen. Maid-Said she was cleaning the closet. Son- said he was playing basketabll Daughter- said she was on the computer. the murderer automatically got arrested, who is the murderer?
It was my father who instilled the 'never say no' attitude I carry around with me today, and who instilled in me a sense of wonder, always taking us on adventures in the car, never telling us the destination.
Our forefathers got it they got it, man. They took godly principles and they put them into action, and they developed our Constitution - the land of freedom where each man is accountable and responsible for his actions.
a boy and his dad are driving in the car , then they crash , the dad die's and the son is rushed to hospital , then a person come's in and says '' thats my son !'' who is that person ?
I was a 'Duck Hunt' and 'Mario' guy, and stuff like that. I was never technologically driven. I never had all the cool, new toys. I was the youngest child, I wasn't the only child, so I wasn't spoiled as a kid. And, we were on the farm, so we didn't have a lot. Also, with computers, I'm not very good with them. I just check my email.
it can help you with your hair some way
Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something.
Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk.
You like to hold it ,but you you always lose it.
Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
For me growing up, Christmas time was always the most fantastic, exciting time of year, and you'd stay up until three in the morning. You'd hear the parents wrapping in the other room but you knew that also, maybe, they were in collusion with Santa Claus.
a boy found 3 pices of gold each pices whieght was 3 pounds and the boy came to a bridge and a sign said 82 pounds only ,the boys whieght is 76 pounds how can he go arcoss the bridge safely?
In marble walls as white as milk, Lined with skin as soft as silk, Within a fountain crystal clear, A golden apple does appear. No doors are there to this stronghold-- Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.
A store's best advertisement is the service its goods render, for upon such service rest the future, the good-will, of an organization.
No Government has the moral authority to dismantle the universally understood meaning of marriage.
which is the longest letter?
I actually don't know anyone who wants to be famous for fame's sake, at least not anyone I respect. But you need to have a certain amount of power in order to be able to do what you want.
The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, 'O God, forgive me,' or 'Help me."
A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender points a gun at the man. The man says thank you and walks out of the bar. It was a genuine thank you and the man got what he was looking for, never drinking any water or walking out with some. What happened?
Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive.
There was a tornado. A man went to take shelter in his basement. He was carrying candles down the wooden stairs when a sudden gust of wind made the house shake and him trip. The candles fell out of his hands and onto the wooden stairs. Why didn't the stairs catch fire?
What do you call an animal that goes through your trash and tells great stories? A raccoonteur.
I've gone very far, far away, but my character keeps me close to home.
THE LETTER WHICH IS ALSO AN INSECT
I gave guitar lessons. I tried to join bands. My mom always said it was obvious that nothing was going to stop me.
There was this man that was put into a room with no windows and no doors. When a man come to check on the man 1 week later. All that was in the room was a puddle. What happened to the man?
Exploiting people's emotions of fear, envy and anxiety is not hope, it's not change, it's partisanship. We don't need partisanship. We don't need demagoguery, we need solutions.
With thieves I consort, With the vilest, in short, I'm quite at ease in depravity; Yet all divines use me, And savants can't lose me, For I am the center of gravity
Washington, not Jefferson, freed his slaves upon his death.
What side dish do frogs like to enjoy with their hamburgers? French Flies!
THE BEGINING OF ETERNITY, THE END OF TIME AND SPACE, THE BEGINING OF THE END, AND THE END OF EVERY PLACE. WHAT IS IT?
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy.
What is the difference between a Siberian husky and an Alaskan husky? About 1500 miles.
In what year did Christmas Day and New Year's Day fall in the same year?
No man is truly great who is great only in his lifetime. The test of greatness is the page of history.
I am, in fact, Superman. Every morning I wake up and go into a telephone booth and change my costume, and then go to work.
From a religious point of view, if God had thought homosexuality is a sin, he would not have created gay people.
only one color, but not one size, stuk at the bottom, yet easiley fly's. present in sun but not in rain, doing on harm, and feeling no pain.