I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities. I turn pancakes brown, and make your champagne bubble. If you squeeze me I'll pop. If you look at me, you'll pop. Can you guess this riddle? 97% of Harvard graduates cannot figure this out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure it out in 6 minutes or less.
It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others.
Whats greater than god,werse that the devil, the rich need it, the poor have it,and if you eat it you'll die.
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.
If Mr. Bean lost one of his legs he'd be cannellini!
Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.
As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.
A man builds a house with all sides facing south. A bear passes by outside what color is the bear?
I don't work out and be healthy and want a strong body because I want to look good in a bikini. I do all of those things for me and for my health. I'm not going on the cover of 'Maxim' and 'FHM' because that's not me.
How Do You Keep a Dumb Person Confused?
If my Dad doesn't like you, you will know. My Mom is just too innocent to ever lie. She doesn't even cuss.
Good health is not something we can buy. However, it can be an extremely valuable savings account.
When I go up I am the present When I go down I am the past What am I
can you guess what i am. you always hold me but you cant see me. unly way you can see me is if im looking at me. you use me everyday withought knowing. i hurt with bright lights whcih makes me get bigger. i make water out of thin air but you rub it then its no longer there. when you use me you give me a "stare" but when you dont use me. you dont know im there.
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
What goes up and down but does not move? Stairs
My mom and dad gave their kids the greatest gift of all - the gift of unconditional love. They cared deeply about who we would be, and much less about what we would do.
What never gets any wetter no matter how hard it rains?
It is not enough to show people how to live better: there is a mandate for any group with enormous powers of communication to show people how to be better.
Freedom is not a gift nor does it simply exist for us to have, but rather it is a sacred duty, and its blessed yield of hope is born from none other than the blood of the innocent.
That feeds anger, and I mean when we went and at last thank heavens got towards peace in Northern Ireland we went for justice within Northern Ireland as well as using security well, as well as a political settlement, but surely that is the lesson.
A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.
mery's parents went out.Mery & jj were he only ones at home.Mery was murdered he fell from the edge. who did it? how did they do it? what was Mery and jj?
Take a pretty girl out to dinner and a show on Broadway
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Art is the lie that enables us to realize the truth.
There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love there's only scarcity of resolve to make it happen.
What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the evening?
A Plane crashes on the border line of Canada and The United States.Where would you bury the survivors?
My true function within a society which embraces all of us is to continue an age-old tradition. This tradition is to create images from the depths of the imagination and to give them form, whether visual, intellectual or musical.
Coming generations will learn equality from poverty, and love from woes.
if you shot a guy named tim, and you kept on shooting him, and he he never died. would you be mad if he wouldn't die. how come he would not die?
But the attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be.
One day I sat on a mat, I looked up and saw a big bat, As it swooped down from the air it got caught in my hair, Finnally it just took my rat. What kind of riddle is it?
Jim Carrey, a comic genius, has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it.
if you overtake a man in the second position . which position are you in
What has a tongue but doesnt speak??
I remember that. I was talking to him and I said how great it would be if actors had a tail because I have animals and a tail is so expressive. On a cat you can tell everything. You can tell if they're annoyed. You can tell whether they're scared.
You can't have a happy family if you don't have a happy marriage.
A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die? Please note that he did not add the poison. Also, nothing was added to punch after he left.
My passion is doing movies, so as long as I keep doing that I will be happy.
What grows, but is not alive?
A large psychic void is left by a loss of faith. So many Catholics have tried so many things to replace it.
Bush's faith in the rightness of his strategy in the broader war is deep-seated. It is a product of faith.
The need to understand prescription information can literally be a matter of life and death.
What has teeth but dosnt bite.
How did the burglar get into the house? Intruder window
What always runs but never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats?
My mom's a Catholic, and my dad's a Jew, and they didn't want anything to do with anything.
I believe that every human mind feels pleasure in doing good to another.
A man rode into a town with his horse on the 25th of June. He stayed in the town for 3 weeks, then left on June. How is this possible?
The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
In my book, I detail the critical information we obtained from al Qaeda terrorists after they became compliant following a short period of enhanced interrogation. I have no doubt that that interrogation was legal, necessary and saved lives.
How do you make seven even?
How Do you confuse the most intelligent person in the whole world?
I've been a very lucky guy. I played on championship teams. I played for Canada. I've won some awards and I'm very proud of those accomplishments. But I don't think there's anything greater than to come home and to be recognized at home. This is the pinnacle.
Isn't it amazing the way the future succeeds in creating an appropriate past?
it is light;but its to high to touch,it is colourful too!!
Men know everything - all of them - all the time - no matter how stupid or inexperienced or arrogant or ignorant they are.
Attend a Beijing opera
I HAVE 1lb. of feathers and 1 lb. of bricks . wich object is heavier?!?!?!
Why did the dog sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper.
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
I have a tail, and I have a head, but i have no body. I am NOT a snake. What am I?
Say the following phrase aloud and exactly the way it is sound. It isnt suppose to make sense if u read it. "Wot iz white black and red all ova?" ^is also the riddle.
Studies have shown that 90% of error in thinking is due to error in perception. If you can change your perception, you can change your emotion and this can lead to new ideas.
A LAWNMOWER IS ON AN ISLAND.IT DIDNT GET THERE BY BOAT OR BY PLANE.HOW DID IT THERE THEN?
There is a certain club which is for men only. There are 600 men who belong to this club and 5 percent of these men wear one earring. Of the other 95 percent membership, half wear two earrings and the other half wear none. How many earrings are being worn in this club?
I was watching a TV program on various Religious orders and how the use stringed instruments. I was appalled by the amount of sects and violins!
When Religion and Royalty are swept away, the people will attack the great, and after the great, they will fall upon the rich.
only one colour, but not one size stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies, present in the sun, but not in the rain, doing no harm, and felling no pain. what am I
when an aeroplane crashed into the sea, where does it come out?
I began to fear that Mos Def was being treated as a product, not a person, so I've been going by Yasiin since '99. At first it was just for friends and family, but now I'm declaring it openly.
If one is hate and two is war.What is three and four?
Bad humor is an evasion of reality good humor is an acceptance of it.
I cannot run,I cannot talk.I cannot see, I feel your hand moving around me.What am I?
I've made over 20 movies, and 5 of them are good.