Mr. Speaker, we are a blessed Nation. We have not suffered another attack on our soil since September 11, and we are grateful. We have killed or captured dozens of members of al Qaeda and the Taliban. Our military and intelligence forces are working both hard and smart.
what is greater than god, more evil than the devil ,the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it youll die?
What did the picture say to the Judge? I WAS FRAMED! I just now made that up. I feel good about this one!
Journalists should denounce government by public opinion polls.
The rare few, who, early in life have rid themselves of the friendship of the many.
What's a baker's biggest fear? Something going a-rye
Mr. and Mrs. Smith were walking home from the shopping mall with their purchases when Mr. Smith began to complain that his load was too heavy. Mrs. Smith turned to her husband and said, "I don't know what you're complaining about because if you gave me one of your parcels, I would have twice as many as you and if I gave you just one of mine, we would have equal loads." How many parcels was each carrying?
Attend a comedy festival
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
I travel all around the world but stay in one corner. What am I?
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
What do we see every day, a king rearly sees, and God has never seen?
The safest course is to do nothing against one's conscience. With this secret, we can enjoy life and have no fear from death.
It is the personality of the mistress that the home expresses. Men are forever guests in our homes, no matter how much happiness they may find there.
i decieve The Young And Sometimes The Old i Could Be Thoughtful Or Harmful or Sometimes a Burdin what am i
I wasn't looking for another marriage. I had been married before. He is a nice man - a geologist, an Ernest Hemingway type. But Paul and I married because of convention.
Why is the River rich ?
We got to do a few things with President Clinton. To be invited to Washington again to play with Ashanti and all those other cool people there in front of President Bush and the rest of the world feels awesome. I'm really looking forward to going.
The answering machine replied 0 new calls, and 1 new message. How is this so?
I love inventive food, but I want the classic dishes to taste like how I remember them. I get a little bummed out when there is too much fancy stuff going on and it doesn't resemble the original dish at all.
In what place does tomorrow come before yesterday?
I'm world famous, everywhere I go there are people who love me because of I've been able to bring them some joy from the movies I've made.
You measure a democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists.
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don't.
2 man have been found dead in a cabin on the side of a mountain they did not die of natural causes. How did they die?
I don't like being famous - it is like a prison. And driving for Ferrari would make it far worse.
why didn't Snow White die when she ate the poison apple??
I just think it would be unrealistic to suggest we're going to eliminate every last domestic insurgent in Afghanistan. Certainly, the history of the country would indicate that's not a very realistic objective, and I think we have to have realistic objectives.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.
Which would see most clearly in total darkness? A bat, a tiger, or an owl.
a father and son get into a car accident. They both get into different ambulances and go to different hospitals. The surgeon get ready to operate on the son but says "i cant this is my son" how is this possible.
Water water everywhere,no water to drink.where are we?
I couldn't care less about fashion. If I had taken any clothes home, they would have remained in my closet for the rest of their existence.
WITH 5 YOUR 1/2 (HALF) WAY TO THE 25K BEEN AROUND FOR GENERTIONS CAN BE FOUND IN FLORIDA ITS COMMON TO BE DIFFERENT VARY'S IN SHAPE & SIZE SOME ARE MORE VALUED THAN OTHERS TO E'S IN THE PLACE DONT GET HOOKED BY THE SUNSHINE
By adopting the control strategy, the nation's environmental program has created a built-in antagonism between environmental quality and economic growth.
You are in a dark room with a candle, a torch, and an oil lamp. You only have one match. Which do you light first?
The American dream seems to be thriving in Europe not at home.
What did one math book say to the other? Don't bother me; I've got my own *problems!*
I hate birthdays. I hate birthday parties. I hate them. I don't know what it is, anybody's only got to come wafting near me with a piece of cake with a candle on and I break out in hives.
you use a knife to slice my head and you weep beside me when im dead. what am i?
When art dresses in worn-out material it is most easily recognized as art.
Why did the woman buy new wine glasses? Because the ones she was using made everything blurry.
Why can't you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg?
90 people are on the train 50 people get off and 100 people get on how many are on the train all together
You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired
If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money.
Money and fame made me believe I was entitled. I was wrong and foolish.
Prove that half of twelve is seven and half of thirteen is eight.
Have a romantic weekend at a B&B
All I try to do is as earnestly and as acutely as I can, conceive a character and try to portray this character just honestly. If the humor is within the absurdity and the awfulness of situations, then let it be seen that way.
My girl asks why I love chocolate so much. Well, I have several Reisens...
Stay out of the sun, because it is the worst thing in terms of aging. I'm very medical. I come from a medical family.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
You and two of your friends go to a hotel. You want 1 room for a night. The clerk charges you $30 a night. Logically, each of you pays $10. Thats $30. Later on that night. The owner of the store comes and tells the clerk that he charged you all $5 too much. He gives the clerk 5 one dollar bills to distribute back to you and you friends. The clerk gives each of you a dollar back. He puts the two other dollars in his pocket. Now you have each paid $9. Multiply nine and three=$27. 27 plus the two in the clerks pocket is twenty nine. Where is the missing dollar?
The more expansive government is, the more perils people face in daily lives, be it from IRS agents or from child support services, or from other agencies that often have little or no legal restraints on their power.
Anyway I feel myself a bit on the edge on the art world, but I don't mind, I'm just pursuing my work in a very excited way. And there isn't really a mainstream anymore, is there?
You are stuck in a cabin after a snowstorm. You have a candle, a fireplace with wood, a gas stove, but only one match. What do you light first
So the news that divorced fathers are to be denied a legal right to a relationship with their children, in the long overdue review of family law published this week, fills me with horror and despair.
I was going to go to a clairvoyants meeting the other day, but it was cancelled due to unforeseen events.
A mute man walks into a store, he wants to buy a toothbrush. He imitates brushing his teeth and successfully makes his purchase. Next a blind man comes into the same shop, he wants to buy a comb. How does he indicate what he wants?
When a child, my dreams rode on your wishes, I was your son, high on your horse, My mind a top whipped by the lashes Of your rhetoric, windy of course.
A dragon's tooth in a mortals hand, I kill, I mame, I seperate the land. What am I?
What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween? Happy halloweenie
I suspect the psychological pressure associated with that crisis caused the first mental blackout I had ever suffered. It contributed to a deterioration in my health that later required the insertion of a heart pacemaker.
A man travels to a town on friday stays for 2 nights and travels back on friday,How can this be??
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me.
The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly.
when does christmas come before thanksgiving
When Miss Millie purchased her new parrot, the salesman assured her that it would repeat any word it heard. About a week later, Miss Millie returned the parrot complaining it hadn't uttered a single word. Given that the salesman had spoken the truth about the parrot's abilities, why wouldn't the bird talk?
The other day, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow... I called her up and asked, ''Did you get my drift?''
The course of this conflict is not known, yet its outcome is certain. Freedom and fear, justice and cruelty, have always been at war, and we know that God is not neutral between them.
China and India will take the global leadership on climate change: they are suffering for it.
I prefer to think of myself as a musician who is still learning and trying to do something every time out.
You are driving a bus through wetumpka alabama. At the first stop 3 three people get on, At the next one 12 people get on and 2 get off. After that 5 more people get on... What is the bus drivers name?
Why did the sheep go to the doctor? He had a baah-baah throat.
Do not share the knowledge with which you have been blessed with everyone in general, as you do with some people in particular and know that there are some men in whom Allah, may He he glorified, has placed hidden secrets, which they are forbidden to reveal.
I am four times as old as my daughter. In 20 years time I shall be twice as old as her. How old are we now?
In our life there is a single color, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love.
Which person dresses the same way like the batsman without the bat in all cricket matches.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
what starts at red and ends at green?
I love self deprecating humour. Shame I'm no good at it.
I think one of the great problems we have in the Republican Party is that we don't encourage you to be nasty. We encourage you to be neat, obedient, loyal and faithful and all those Boy Scout words, which would be great around a campfire but are lousy in politics.
Once there was a man who lived by him self.he never went out,no one ever visited him.he stayed in there for five months without coming out.after five months he went a bit crazy, so he turned off the heater, turned off the lights,turned off the power packed up locked the door and left. nobody ever saw him again, in a result of this 90 people died why?
God joins us together by means of the body, in consequence of the laws of the communication of movements. He affects us with the same feelings in consequence of the laws of the conjunction of body and soul.
It's nice to be able to work I'd love to be able to do another TV show I could do in Chicago so I could live and work in the same place. It's hard being a parent and being in a good marriage, and it all takes a lot of work, but if you're not there you can't do any of it.
A woman has 7 kids half of them are boys. how many boys are there?
I used to design for my body, which was flat-chested with big hips. That's why my clothes were tight on top with full skirts.
Little Nancy Etticoat. Weraing a white petticoat, with a red nose. The longer she stands the shorter she grows.
Something my mum taught me years and years and years ago, is life's just too short to carry around a great bucket-load of anger and resentment and bitterness and hatreds and all that sort of stuff.
The maker doesnt want it, the buyer doesnt use it, and the user doesnt see it. What is it???