With potent, flowery words speak I, Of something common, vulgar, dry; I weave webs of pedantic prose, In effort to befuddle those, Who think I while time away, In lofty things, above all day The common kind that linger where Monadic beings live and fare; Practical I may not be, But life, it seems, is full of me!
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
Invest money in the stock market
I pity the French Cinema because it has no money. I pity the American Cinema because it has no ideas.
A time when they?re green, a time when they're brown, But both of these times, cause me to frown. But just in between, for a very short while, They?re perfect and yellow, and cause me to smile! What am I talking about here?
Horror is the natural reaction to the last 5,000 years of history.
I am watched all over the world and the bigest event ever to be seen. What am I?
I'm working harder than ever now, and I'm putting on my pants the same as I always have. I just get up every day and try to do a little better than the day before, and that is to run a great restaurant with great food, great wine, and great service. That's my philosophy.
What do lawyers wear to court? Law suits!
He who makes it does not keep it. He who takes it does not know it. He who knows it does not want it. He who gathers it must destroy it.
The capacity to be puzzled is the premise of all creation, be it in art or in science.
It was like there was a pile of kindling that was in the back of my imagination just waiting there. Once I lit it, it just flared up and I kept getting ideas and ideas.
a boy and a girl were picking apples. when they finished they walked back to their house. they stopped and ate half the apples plus a half apple. they went walking againh and stopped. they ate half the rest of the apples and a half apple. so they went on and stopped. they ate half the rest of the apples plus a half apple. when they got home they only had one apple left. how many apples did they start off with???
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
What is unique about this sentence: The quick red fox jumped over the brown lazy dog.
I Make Polar Bears White I Make Boys Have to Pee I Make Girls Brush Their Hair I Turn Pancakes Brown If You Squeeze Me, I'll Pop If You Look At Me, You'll Pop Can You Solve This Riddle
What time do you go to the dentist? 2:30
There is not much less vexation in the government of a private family than in the managing of an entire state.
Art is the unceasing effort to compete with the beauty of flowers - and never succeeding.
the person who makes it doesnt need it the person who buys it doesnt use it the person who uses it doesnt know he is using it
A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.
why was Pavlov's hair so soft? classical conditioning.
I was born before my father Married my sister. And stood at my mother's grave.
Luck marches with those who give their very best.
I am next to you all day, but disappear at night. What am I?
At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It's the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching 'The Soup' or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty's. And we always have some kind of great dinner - my wife makes a great roast beef.
there were three eggs in the morning and in the afternoon there were two. what happened?
The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others it is in yourself alone.
What clothing does a house wear?
Swim in a lake
They say I can open movies, and that's nice in that it puts into people's minds that women can do it. It's not just Kevin Costner, not just Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not just the guys.
What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup.
My first is a creature whose breeding is unclear. My second, a price you must pay. My whole can be found in the river of Time and refers to events of today. What am I?
I've got a wife, four kids, a business, and a baseball career.
Round as a button, Deep as a well. If you want me to talk, You must first pull my tail. What am I?
Neatness begets order but from order to taste there is the same difference as from taste to genius, or from love to friendship.
Go on safari
Why did the musician call his parents? Because he hit a flat note.
Question: Why are we Masters of our Fate, the captains of our souls? Because we have the power to control our thoughts, our attitudes. That is why many people live in the withering negative world. That is why many people live in the Positive Faith world.
It starts out small but you can make it bigger. A lot of people have one, and they make little kids happy what is it
One of the accidental joys of my writing life has been that I've had some lovely, surprisingly good fortune with readers, and I've brought readers to my dad's work. I can't tell you the joy that gives me. Because my father's work was masterful.
Which word contains 26 letters, but only three syllables?
I can't really change my life to accommodate people who are jealous. I don't see why I should.
a book can go into the green glass door but a story can't. a pillow can but a bed can't. a foot can but toes can't. teeth can but white can't. grass can but a lawn can't what is allowed behind the green glass door?
A man and a womam just got married and they are flying to Hawaii for their honeymoon. As the couple were looking down into one of the largest volcanoes, the wife falls in and dies. The husband flies back to his home very sad. The next day, he gets a phone call. The person on the phone said "I know who killed your wife." Who killed the wife? Who called the husband? How did they know?
I didn't want to play a lawyer. I didn't want to play a doctor. I didn't want to play a single dad. I wanted to do something I felt I could learn from, something that would be a challenge and something that would not dry up.
We must reach out our hand in friendship and dignity both to those who would befriend us and those who would be our enemy.
What did aged mother cheddar say to her son the day of school photos? Looking sharp.
a father and son are going for a ride. they get in an accident and go to the hospital. when they get there the son needs operation. the doctor takes one look at him and says i cant procede with the operation. why not?
We have fought for social justice. We have fought for economic justice. We have fought for environmental justice. We have fought for criminal justice. Now we must add a new fight - the fight for electoral justice.
Why did the baseball coach tell the baseball player to go to the bank?
There has been a time on earth when poets had been young and dead and famous - and were men. But now the poet as the tragic child of grandeur and destiny had changed. The child of genius was a woman, now, and the man was gone.
What 11-letter English word does everyone pronounce incorrectly?
When I was working on Eye of the Beholder, I played a character who is so aloof that my whole lifestyle became very aloof. If someone knocked on my door, there was a part of me that went into a rage, because I wanted to be isolated and alone.
I have four legs, then two legs, then three legs. What am I?
I've made movies that cost less than one car chase.
Four cars come to a four way stop and they go at the same time causing a fatal crash. Where do you bury the survivors?
Happiness held is the seed Happiness shared is the flower.
What has to be broken before it can be used?
The difference between a movie star and a movie actor is this - a movie star will say, 'How can I change the script to suit me?' and a movie actor will say. 'How can I change me to suit the script?'
Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.
When my first is a task to a young girl of spirit, And my second confines her to finish the piece, How hard is her fate! but how great is her merit If by taking my whole she effects her release!
What do we never see with our own eyes yet see it whenever you brush your teeth, we couldn't live without it and will never leave us?
Life is God's novel. Let him write it.
Unicycling
Visit Jiufen
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
I AM NICE AND ROUND I NEVER TOUCH THA GROUND. ECEPT FOR 1 TIME WHEN I FLEW ACCROSS THA FLOOR AND GOT MYSELF STUCK BETWEEN A DOOR!!! OW!
Drama can feel like therapy whereas comedy feels like there's been a pressure and a weight lifted off of you. You come to work and you laugh all day, you go home and you feel light and there's a certain feeling when you're sitting with the audience and they leave after 90 minutes and it's just pure escapism and they're happy.
Washington's wife went to wash the washer.How many w'sin all??
My priority is to turn people - especially kids - on to sports and being active so they don't even have to think about it being good for their health. If people participate for the fun of it, and believe me - it is fun, then fitness programs will be much more successful.
What do you call a fish with no eye? fsh
Old Mother Twitchet had one eye, And a long tail the she let fly. And everytime she went through a gap, She left a bit of her tail in the trap. What am I?
The F-word is 'famous,' the C-word is 'celebrity' and S-word is 'star,' in my book. The other three words are fine - you can say those. But 'famous,' 'celebrity' and 'star,' I think, are misused.
some months have 31 days. how many have 28?
And I also thought that Richard Nixon was the greatest political education we have ever had, but it looks like we need to relearn them again.
500 begins it 500 ends it a 5 in the middle is seen the first of all letters the first of all people give me this famouse king you have to know your roman numerals to get this very good
There are two bodies on the floor. They are surrounded by water and broken glass. How did they die?
I think gay marriage should be the national law.
Live like a king in Dubai
Friends are the best to turn to when you're having a rough day.
Romeo and Juliet are found dead on the floor in a bedroom.When they were discovered, there were pieces of glass and some water on the floor.the only furniture in the room was a shelf and a bed.the house is in a remote location,away from everything except for a nearby railway track. What caused the death of Romeo and Juliet?
Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.
A plane crashes on the border of Canada and the U.S.A. Where do bury the survivors? hint:not on the border;0)
No group and no government can properly prescribe precisely what should constitute the body of knowledge with which true education is concerned.
What bay do you never want to be in?
If you have ideas, you have the main asset you need, and there isn't any limit to what you can do with your business and your life. Ideas are any man's greatest asset.
How do you change the words "new door" into one word. Note: There is only one right answer
When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.
what do you say to and old guy wear a thog?
We are two teenage metal heads, we laugh a lot, and we like "Metalica" and "ACDC." Who are we?
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
My dad's supportive of all my endeavors.
A man told his son that he would give him $1000 if he could accomplish the following task. The father gave his son ten envelopes and a thousand dollars, all in one dollar bills. He told his son, "Place the money in the envelopes in such a manner that no matter what number of dollars I ask for, you can give me one or more of the envelopes, containing the exact amount I asked for without having to open any of the envelopes. If you can do this, you will keep the $1000." When the father asked for a sum of money, the son was able to give him envelopes containing the exact amount of money asked for. How did the son distribute the money among the ten envelopes?
Woo a girl on the dancefloor
What is big but afraid of small? Wgat is loud, but afraid of quiet?
Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable.
I don't think about art when I'm working. I try to think about life.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use the restroom? Because the *p* is silent
what does this symbol mean BLOOD water
Why did the wave fail the driving test? It kept crashing on the beach.
I just want my family to be safe. Because I am sometimes polarizing, I fear for their safety.
Eat dinner in a five star restaurant
How could the cowboy travel on friday then sleep two days then travel back home on friday.
What do you call a number that cant keep still? A roamin numeral.
We tell them that we believe it will be beautiful because that is our specialty, we only create joy and beauty. We have never done a sad work. Through the drawings, we hope a majority will be able to visualize it.
Visit a micronation
There are many talented people who haven't fulfilled their dreams because they over thought it, or they were too cautious, and were unwilling to make the leap of faith.
Empty as space , Scary as a ghost, I appear every night What am I ?