Knock, Knock... Who's there? Peas. Peas who? *Peas pass the butter*
What's cool is when you're able to give your audience imagination and you don't have to cage them in like animals.
A mouse was down the road and a cat chased him around the block.What happened to the cat??
Rock Hudson wasn't my type. He's a great guy and had a great sense of humor.
I'm at a cornor and really small. I'm the size as 2 ants, and i fly around parts of the world. What am I?
What does a ghost cow say? *wave arms around* MoooooOOOOOOoooooooo
I don't think Christmas is necessarily about things. It's about being good to one another, it's about the Christian ethic, it's about kindness.
I'm not funny. What I am is brave.
You are driving a bus with 5 people on. At the first stop 6 people get on 4 people get off. At the Second stop 2 people get off 5 people get on. Who is driving the bus?
I think anger and laughter are very close to each other, when you think about it.
Two fish are in a tank... Two fish are in a tank... First one says: I'll drive! Second one says: "I'll man the guns!"
Talk my way out of a ticket
A depressed man was about to jump out of the window of his apartmant. Suddenly, the phone rang. The man Sreamed,"Nooooo!" but it was too late. Why did he scream No?
What language do they speak in Holland? Hollandaise.
We emphasize that we believe in change because we were born of it, we have lived by it, we prospered and grew great by it. So the status quo has never been our god, and we ask no one else to bow down before it.
i am a bird but i can not fly
It would be too frightening for me to consider myself a role model. But I like the idea of not being afraid of letting your imagination rule you, to feel the freedom of expression, to let creativity be your overwhelming drive rather than other things.
How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from a duck
if a man and a half catch a fish and a half in a day and a half how many fish with 6 men catch in 7 days?
As long as you as an individual... can convince yourself that in order to move forward as best you can you have to be optimistic, you can be described as 'one of the faithful,' one of those people who can say, 'Well, look, something's going to happen! Let's just keep trying. Let's not give up.
where does a car swim?
Pack my life into a bag and buy a ticket going anywhere
I think that food ties us to our community and our traditions, and it's the thing that makes us feel good and connected.
Tarot
Eat sushi in Japan
There was a boy and his dad driving in a car.(The dad was a doctor) They got in a bad car crash. The dad died and the son was injured. The son got rushed to the hospital. When the doctor got in the doctor said i can not operate on this boy he is my son. Who is the doctor?
Orlando's a really cool guy. They hired him for 'Lord of the Rings' out of drama school. He's very new at this still and doesn't have a lot of experience. So we were in this together and we've tried to help each other out. We felt very equal which was good.
Melissa's mother has 7 kids. Their names are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. What is the 7th kid's name?
Fear and pain and suffering is not OK for any being to feel intentionally at the hands of us.
What can you pill outside, eat and throw away the inner part?
Children do not give up their innate imagination, curiosity, dreaminess easily. You have to love them to get them to do that.
Have a child
What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die?
Love can no more continue without a constant motion than fire can and when once you take hope and fear away, you take from it its very life and being.
Hike through Jiuzhaigou
Why was the knight afraid of a insect?
I'm always amazed when a pitcher becomes angry at a hitter for hitting a home run off him. When I strike out, I don't get angry at the pitcher, I get angry at myself. I would think that if a pitcher threw up a home run ball, he should be angry at himself.
Drive Clinton Road
i am, every person you can know and every place that you can go im everything that you can show. Quite interesting too what am i that you use?
My mom's one of 13 siblings, and they all got six kids, and till I was 13 everybody was in Compton.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.
it has four feet in the morning two in the afternoon three in the night
What did the floor say to the desk? I can see your drawers!
Education is the leading of human souls to what is best, and making what is best out of them.
Now you are captured by enimes in a war, the king lets you choose the way of your death. 1: You any be drown to death, you body fed to sharks.2: You are to be tied to a pole and burned alive.3: You will be thrown to wolves not fed for 30 days. 4: Left to starvein the dungen. or 5:You are thrown into a hole 50ft. down. Luck is on your side and you choose the right one and escape with your life, but what one did you chose?
My lens of choice was always the 35 mm. It was more environmental. You can't come in closer with the 35 mm.
Why do sharks swim in salt water? Because pepper would make them sneeze!
what goes up but never goes down no matter what u try.
I've always believed fitness is an entry point to help you build that happier, healthier life. When your health is strong, you're capable of taking risks. You'll feel more confident to ask for the promotion. You'll have more energy to be a better mom. You'll feel more deserving of love.
What is the difference between a dollar and a half and thirty five-cents?
What does music have to do with safety? If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time.
Teddy destroyed many yards fences and houses but did not get in trouble. How?
So I work in a Steak House and all the people there are really lazy So I must say after working there: That it's rare to see a job well done
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
when you speak, i break. what am i?
Three tomatoes are walking down the street... A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts falling behind so the papa tomato squishes him and says, Ketchup!
A rich man needs something? A poor man has something? If you eat something you will die.
Lock picking
Those who intend on becoming great should love neither themselves nor their own things, but only what is just, whether it happens to be done by themselves or others.
I was carried into a dark room, and set on fire. I wept, and then my head was cut off. What am I?
Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago? Because 'Illinois you!
There is no austerity equal to a balanced mind, and there is no happiness equal to contentment there is no disease like covetousness, and no virtue like mercy.
I have a neck,but no head...What am I?
THERE IS A ROOM WITH NO WINDOWS AND DOORS IT ONLY HAS A TABLE WITH A CANDLE LIT ON IT AND A MAN IS TRAPPED IN IT HOW CAN HE GET OUT OF THE ROOM?
The human face is the organic seat of beauty. It is the register of value in development, a record of Experience, whose legitimate office is to perfect the life, a legible language to those who will study it, of the majestic mistress, the soul.
What has taken before you can get it?
Mushroom hunting
Value your friendship. Value your relationships.
Some dorks are walkin round and round and round in circles.Then they fall over cause they are dizzy.If they get dizzy why do they wake up??
I hate vacations. If you can build buildings, why sit on the beach?
what walks on 4 legs in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, and 3 in the evening.
I have been overcome by the beauty and richness of our life together, those early mornings setting out, those evenings gleaming with rivers and lakes below us, still holding the last light.
Knock knock Who's there? Abby. Abby who. A bee has stolen my wallet.
Carlie was born in 1948 and later had a child,Casey, in 1979.How is it possible for casey to be older than Carlie now in 2006?
What do you say to someone who is making a cardboard belt? "That's a waist of paper!"
Faith is an aptitude of the spirit. It is, in fact, a talent: you must be born with it.
If peter is the son of John and John is the father of peter. The John is the ______ of the father
No man chooses evil because it is evil he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.
What did one math book say to the other math book? We've got a lot of problems.
If you look at my face, you won’t find 13 anyplace. what am I?
People who live in the past generally are afraid to compete in the present. I've got my faults, but living in the past is not one of them. There's no future in it.
McDonalds is giving away toys with Happy Meals, ten in all. When you have all ten, you are still missing some. How is that possible?
there was two mothers and two daughters that went to a carnival and each a prize in a game but there was onley three prizes given out how is that possible?
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
Leadership is influence.
Eat fried tarantula
From dear, dear Gloria Swanson, I learned how to live long, happy and free of health problems. I owe her my life.
What is black and white,red all over?
Explore the Scottish Highlands
Happiness is composed of misfortunes avoided.
imagine your on a boat in the middle of an ocean surrounded by sharks. how do you escape?
If history, philosophy and so on vanish from academic life, what they leave in their wake may be a technical training facility or corporate research institute. But it will not be a university in the classical sense of the term, and it would be deceptive to call it one.
What do you call a spider with no legs? A raisin
The king of the jungle is holding a meeting and all the animals have to come. When you were going to the meeting you come across a crocidile river. How do you get to the other side of the river?
Drive a lamborgini
Not only did I avoid speaking of Salinger I resisted thinking about him. I did not reread his letters to me. The experience had been too painful.
The eight of us go forth, not back to protect our king from a foe's attack. What are we?
The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.
If you divide thirty by 1/2 and add 10 what would you have?
Americans are gathering the courage to just say no. We are saying no to addictive consumer lifestyles. We are saying no to wars and corporate takeover and the IMF loans that gobble up people and their resources.
There was a very,very,very short man who worked on the fifth floor of a building. On sunny days he took the indoor stairs to get to his floor. On rainy days he takes the elevator. Why?
The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.
What has a neck but no head?
The house a woman creates is a Utopia. She can't help it - can't help trying to interest her nearest and dearest not in happiness itself but in the search for it.
What I don't like is breakfast in the morning. I have a double-espresso cappuccino, but no food.
Why was Karl Marx buried at Highgate Cemetery in London?
The way to kill a man or a nation is to cut off his dreams, the way the whites are taking care of the Indians: killing their dreams, their magic, their familiar spirits.
Why is it against the law for a man living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina?
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
what is wrong with a quarter date 24 BC (before Christ)?
A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
If you will say my name I will not exist anymore,what am I?
I think clothes should make you feel safe. I like clothes you want to go to sleep in. I sometimes stand in front of a mirror and change a million times because I know I really want to wear my nightgown.
Be in a movie or on TV
sign ....
What age were pigs discovered in? The Saus Age.
But Vegas is really my first home.
I do not breathe, but I run and jump. I do not eat, but I swim and stretch. I do not drink, but I sleep and stand. I do not think, but I grow and play. I do not see, but you see me every day. What am I?
I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will.
who invented gun powder?
The becoming of man is the history of the exhaustion of his possibilities.
I run, he runs, I stop, he runs?