What do you call a woman on a cruise ship in Mexico using the diving board at the pool? A broad abroad on a board aboard.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
You will die but the carbon will not its career does not end with you. It will return to the soil, and there a plant may take it up again in time, sending it once more on a cycle of plant and animal life.
It is not difficult for me to have this faith, for it is incontrovertible that where there is a plan there is intelligence - an orderly, unfolding universe testifies to the truth of the most majestic statement ever uttered - 'In the beginning, God.'
You're driving a bus that is leaving on a trip from Pennsylvania and ending in New York. To start off with, there were 32 passengers on the bus. At the next bus stop, 11 people get off and 9 people get on. At the next bus stop, 2 people get off and 2 people get on. At the next bus stop, 12 people get on and 16 people get off. At the next bus stop, 5 people get on and 3 people get off. What is the name of the bus driver?
Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control these three alone lead one to sovereign power.
Everybody's a filmmaker today.
A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was required. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "twelve." The member replied, "six " and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "six." The member replied, "three" and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said ,"ten" and the man replied, "five." But he was not let in.
I don't believe we need the government's help as much as some think we do. That belief sets me apart from the Democrats, since their way of dealing with everything is to tax and spend.
I am suggesting that we recognize that in network and interface research there is something as profound (and potential wild) as Artificial Intelligence.
if your walking downa street and trip the chance of you dying is...
A primary function of art and thought is to liberate the individual from the tyranny of his culture in the environmental sense and to permit him to stand beyond it in an autonomy of perception and judgment.
What is it the more you take, the more you leave behind?
At best the family teaches the finest things human beings can learn from one another generosity and love. But it is also, all too often, where we learn nasty things like hate, rage and shame.
I wrote seven Myron Bolitar novels in a row, and I never want to write a Myron book where he just solves a crime. Every one of them I want to be personal, and I want him to grow and change. The problem with that is, it makes the series limited, you can't write a series where a guy is always going through some kind of crisis.
One keeps forgetting old age up to the very brink of the grave.
Many kids come out of college, they have a credit card and a diploma. They don't know how to buy a house or a car or health insurance or life insurance. They do not know basic microeconomics.
My head is rectangular and I am allergic to water. I cannot read books but I can read CD. Wath am I?
It makes sense that we came up with our public school system during the Industrial Revolution because it's like everybody is a factory worker, eating their terrible food and going back to the room where you're silent and listening to an idiot. That's an epitomizing idea, getting called 'Nothing' for your whole high school experience.
In a crowded marketplace, fitting in is a failure. In a busy marketplace, not standing out is the same as being invisible.
what goes up a chimny down but cant go down a chimny up?
This thing runs but cannot walk, sometimes sings but never talks. Lacks arms, has hands; lacks a head but has a face. What is it?
When I was going on auditions, it was nerve-racking. I'd always say to my mom that it would be awesome if I could get a series. When Modern Family came along, I said, 'You know what, Mom? I believe I'm going to get this role.'
u r trapped in a room with no windows or doors with a plank of wood and a saw how do u get out
The only thing I fear more than change is no change. The business of being static makes me nuts.
50 of u went to school and 20 of yalll didn't
If you wish to succeed in life, make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother, and hope your guardian genius.
I have 3 apples You take 2 apples. How many apples do you have?
I worked hard all my life as far as this music business. I dreamed of the day when I could go to New York and feel comfortable and they could come out here and be comfortable.
A boy at a store cuts the pinaple he wants to buy in half.Why did he do that?
What fruit teases you?
Marriage is an act of will that signifies and involves a mutual gift, which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls, with whom they make up a sole family - a domestic church.
Many years ago, a wealthy old man was near death. He wished to leave his fortune to one of his three children. The old man wanted to know that his fortune would be in wise hands. He stipulated that his estate would be left to the child who would sing him half as many songs as days that he had left to live. The eldest son said he couldn't comply because he didn't know how many days his father had left to live, and besides he was too busy. The youngest son said the same thing. The man ended up leaving his money to his third child, a daughter. What did his daughter do?
What game do cats play at birthday parties?
They used to say it was bad for Indians to drink, but it's bad for anybody. When they drink they lose their cool, a lot of us. Like when we played with Sonny Boy, I would never get paid, you know. He would drink up all the money.
Two households, both alike in dignity, Equal in strength, where they're besieged, Across many lands, they lay their scene, From ancient grude, of light and dark, To the rook and the nightingale for lark, With the monarchy at complete unrest, And infidels march to trap and test, Yet in each household, A pair star-cross'd lovers fight, Side by side, for husband and life, In death the conflict comes to an end, What eye shall miss, this toil shall stive to mend, And begin again, What am i?
Bad psychoanalysis would say I enjoyed pleasing people, working really hard and pleasing people, which is probably related to my father in some way. But I really liked working hard. When I worked at Disneyland, I'd do 12 hours straight and go home thrilled.
It is wise to direct your anger towards problems - not people to focus your energies on answers - not excuses.
We are never defeated unless we give up on God.
I want to be a loving mom.
I've had to deal, a lot, with my own sense of intimidation at meeting famous people - especially actors, but really any famous people.
I don't know what leadership is. You can't touch it. You can't feel it. It's not tangible. But I do know this: you recognize it when you see it.
Pray, and let God worry.
An art whose medium is language will always show a high degree of critical creativeness, for speech is itself a critique of life: it names, it characterizes, it passes judgment, in that it creates.
The cost of making only the maker knows, Valueless if bought, but sometimes traded. A poor man may give one as easily as a king. When one is broken pain and deceit are assured.
What can hold water even though it has holes?
The way you continue to be a successful business is you don't wait for the car to go off the cliff. You have to manage yourself. And make sure you do it in the right way so you are not making decisions in crisis.
Deficits mean future tax increases, pure and simple. Deficit spending should be viewed as a tax on future generations, and politicians who create deficits should be exposed as tax hikers.
If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just wont let me be right.
loser are green but i am yellow what am????
The next thing I wrote was in a writing class at night school. It was about a poor woman who worked at a dime store and who was all alone for Christmas in Laurel, Mississippi.
The battleline between good and evil runs through the heart of every man.
The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw.
finish this sentence your __________!!!!!!!!!!!
In the summer I wear shorts with a bright top and ankle boots or just sandals. I'll add a nice scarf, maybe a hat, some cool sunglasses. It's all about the accessories.
Sally is traveling by ship from south of the equator to the north. She has a nice little cabin with a bathroom, but no window. Sally has no compass nor other instruments. Just the general luggage one brings on board a long cruise. Yet, without leaving her room or talking with anyone, Sally will be able to tell when the ship has crossed the equator. How?
I concentrate on exercises from the waist down, since that is the laziest part of a woman's body.
How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint?
It's amazing what ordinary people can do if they set out without preconceived notions.
Everyone focuses on the earthly state, but how cool might death be? I believe in spiritual rebirth, and I can't wait to experience that.
The history of mankind is the history of ideas.
I am desperate for change - now - not in 8 years or 12 years, but right now.
What has 2 head, 4 eyes, 6 legs and a tail?