What cooks in a pit, and ends with a flood, stews for quite a bit, yet when it comes out is still dripping with blood?
There is no hope even that woman, with her right to vote, will ever purify politics.
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There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
What gets wetter the more it dries?
I've always wanted to be a mom at 23, 24ish, ever since I was a little girl. I'm right on schedule.
What can hold water even though it has holes
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.
Pac-Man What should you do before you criticize Pac-Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes.
Everything seems fine until you're about 40. Then something is definitely beginning to go wrong. And you look in the mirror with your old habit of thinking, 'While I accept that everyone grows old and dies, it's a funny thing, but I'm an exception to that rule.'
You walked one day down the street. You found something that was worth something. You made sure you didn't lose it. It has color , size and shape. Everyone of them is different. You enjoy it a lot. You like it and you count it over and over.What am I ?
My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay.
Happiness will come from materialism, not from meaning.
The maker makes it, but doesn't use it. The user uses it, but doesn't know they're using it. What is it?
You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor.
There was a cabin on a hill. The cabin was on fire. How did it become on fire.
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
black within, red without, with four courners, round about.
Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.
If you look at the human condition today, not everyone is well fed, has access to good medical care, or the physical basics that provide for a healthy and a happy life.
I went shopping today and met 7 women who had seven bags, in the bag were 7 cats, in the cats were 7 nits how many things went inside the shopping centre?
There's nothing like a good cheating song to make me want to run home to be with my wife.
As long as your body is healthy and under control and death is distant, try to save your soul when death is immanent what can you do?
There was a plane crash on the boarder of mexico and the us.Thousands died. It was all over the news. T.V reporters were on every day giving us the info. They just didnt figure out one thing, where to burry the surviors. Do you know?
Pronounced as one letter, But look and you'll see, That really I'm written with three. I'm read from both ends, The same either way. What am I?
My dad is still Christian Scientist. My mom's not, and I'm not. But I believe in God, and that there's a higher power and an intelligence that's bigger than us and that we can rely on. It's not just us, thinking we are the ones in control of everything. That idea gives me support.
What kind of can never needs a can opener?
While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God's creation.
I am truly my mother's son.
what have three legs and one eye?
Jerry went to resturaunt and order soup, as he got the soup it had a fly in it and ask the waiter to change it... He got it back and jerry complain that he didn't do anything cuz da fly was still there , but the waiter claim he did something diffrent what did the waiter do...?
Canadians tend to be a bit more religious than most Europeans - though not more than the Poles or Ukrainians. Most important, their attitude to immigration and ethnic minorities is more positive than that of most Europeans.
You have nine sticks. You need to make 10, but you cant break the sticks. How can you make 10?
I like being famous when it's convenient for me and completely anonymous when it's not.
A military coup needs a sacrifice and courage that you can't find in an army without morale.
You are in a room there are walls all around you, and you can't climb out, and you can't dig undergound and no door you only have a mirror in the room how do you get out?
Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition. Whether it be true or not, I can say for one that I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem.
Drink tequila in Mexico
it is better than god it is worse than the devil the poor have it the rich don't need it if you eat it you will die
At the end of the day, we must go forward with hope and not backward by fear and division.
A man is running home. All of a sudden he sees a guy in a mask.The man runs back from where he came from what do these men do for a living.
I wasn't a woman who stayed tiny like I thought I would. I definitely gave myself the freedom to eat what I wanted.
There's a certain amount of freedom involved in cycling: you're self-propelled and decide exactly where to go. If you see something that catches your eye to the left, you can veer off there, which isn't so easy in a car, and you can't cover as much ground walking.
I can move around, But my space is restricted Direct me, And I will go where you surf. I have the name of an animal, But I am mechanical. Who or what am I ?
There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.
It strikes me as odd that the free exercise of religious faith is sometimes treated as a problem, something America is stuck with instead of blessed with.
what is a door but but not a door?
I probably have an earlier curfew than anyone. My mom wants to keep me really safe and my dad's not overly protective, but he's a dad no matter what.
We're entering a new world in which data may be more important than software.
Together we are one, Apart we are none. What are we?
I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.
He who has not the spirit of this age, has all the misery of it.
A home is crucial, the foundation of a stable family.
A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.
Why are tvs intimidated by remotes?
If 1 x 5 = 5, 2 x 5 = 10, 3 x 5 = 15, than what is 5 x 1?
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
Mr. Smith and his son are driving in a car, They get into an accident, Mr. Smith Dies and his Son is rushed to the hospital, and the sergan says "I can't operate on him because he is my SON." How is that possible?
I would make a sparrow joke... But they don't fly very well.
Apathy can be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be aroused by two things: first, an ideal, with takes the imagination by storm, and second, a definite intelligible plan for carrying that ideal into practice.
When asked how old she was, Suzie replied, "In two years I will be twice as old as I was five years ago." How old is she?
If my daughter wants to get into this business, I would support that decision. She's going to have a hard time not being in it. She loves food and she's around it all the time.
I love being a single mom. But it's definitely different when you're dating.
Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.
I come twice a week and once a year what am i?
Imagine you are on the deck of a ship in the middle of the ocean and a lady walks by you, stops, and pushes you overboard. SPLASH! By the time you realised where you were, the ship was out of sight. You struggle to keep your head above water, but when you look around you see a shark coming straight towards you. What do you do?
As for everything else, so for a mathematical theory: beauty can be perceived but not explained.
I doubt that the imagination can be suppressed. If you truly eradicated it in a child, he would grow up to be an eggplant.
One day there was a stressed out man.He went inside of the bathroom.He had a real gun and a real bullet and he shot himself between the eyes.There was no blood,he was still alive,and no bullet hole.How is he still alive?
Performers are so vulnerable. They're frightened of humiliation, sure their work will be crap. I try to make an environment where it's warm, where it's OK to fail - a kind of home, I suppose.
Why cant you take a photo of an indian woman with curlers?
Some women feel the best cure for a broken heart is a new beau.
Why do birds fly south
What is the key that does not open a door?
I have made the choices that work best for me. I know I cannot please everyone, and that's fine.