About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.
Which kitchen appliance tells the best jokes? The beater - he cracks everybody up!
Swim with sharks
What Goes up must come down! But What goes up that don't come down.
In the village of Townie, everyone (including the kids) knew that if you stick a knife in a grave at the graveyard, particularly a relative, as you start to walk away you will be pulled under. One night there was a party in the village that EVERYONE was invited to. Margaret Kittredge was a little girl in the town. all of the kids would gather at these parties. One of the boys dared Margaret who was wearing a long dress to stick a knife in her grandmother's grave at midnight. She agreed to do it, not knowing what the future held for her. All the boys said that they would wait and watch, but when they got there, they ran away. Margaret stuck the knife into gramma's grave, but when she started to walk away, something held her back! She screamed and cried and struggled until the next morning the people found her body by the grave. if she wasn't pulled under, what killed her?
We should always look upon ourselves as God's servants, placed in God's world, to do his work and accordingly labour faithfully for him not with a design to grow rich and great, but to glorify God, and do all the good we possibly can.
Spend Christmas in Lapland
I herald the darkness which descends on all creatures; You will know my approach by moans and wracked features. I visit the hippo, hyena, and horse, But never go near snails and spiders, of course. I would circle the glove, leaping one to the other, Should all the world's people ever clasp hands together. What am I?
It's a never ending battle of making your cars better and also trying to be better yourself.
Even if society dictates that men and women should behave in certain ways, it is fathers and mothers who teach those ways to children not just in the words they say, but in the lives they lead.
a letter after F + half of 8 + opposite of b + letter before c + inverted 7 + middle of sea + 2 times the 19th letter + the middle of sun.
Visit the Hill of Crosses
Why was the lobster upset? Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!
Ride the world’s highest altitude train to Tibet
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Does the law allow a man to marry his widow's sister?
What did one frog say to the other? Time's fun when you're having flies.
Soon we saw that money going to women brought much more benefit to the family than money going to the men. So we changed our policy and gave a high priority to women. As a result, now 96% of our four million borrowers in Grameen Bank are women.
Waste your money and you're only out of money, but waste your time and you've lost a part of your life.
I have towns, but no houses. Forests, but no trees. Rivers, but no water. What am I?
Theres a one story house and everything in the house is , the beds, the tv, the dog etc. What color are the stairs?
How many roads must a man walk? 42.
Hate is only a form love that hasn't found a way to express itself logically.
Quilling
I was at Redbox, but I didn't know what to watch. I consulted my groceries, and my pizza said, "Keep Frozen."
Once in a while I'll get moved to do some exercise. It's something I long for but the biggest problem is bending down and putting my tennis shoes on. Once I go out I'm OK.
The more you have, the more you can see
I am bigger than Venus but smaller than Uranus. I am a living rock. What am I??
What happened when the man couldn't afford the mortgage on his haunted house? ...it was repossessed!
I know there's some kind of history to mountain music-like it came from Ireland or England or Scotland and we kept up the tradition.
I'm an actor. I try to play a character in a really cool story, the very best I can.
How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
What has 18 wheels and is green?
A dozen Royals gathered round, Entertained by two who clowned. Each King there had servants ten, Though none of them were also men. The lowest servant sometimes might, Defeat the King in a fair fight. A weapon stout, a priceless jewel, The beat of life, a farmer's tool. What are we talking about here folks?
What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head? I blame my shelf
Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to life, that's beautiful.
Ice skating
a man is reading a book downstairs on a couch. suddenly, he hears a scream. so he runs upstairs, turns on the light, and finds out he just commited a murder. how is this possible?
Personally I had the opportunity to go on several ride alongs with the LA County Sheriff's Department with some amazing detectives, who were invaluable to me.
How does a cactus do his math homework? He uses a cacti-lator!
A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many sheep does the farmer have left?
Roses are red Poppies are red The grass is red Oh no my yard is on fire
I really believe that beauty comes from health - sensible eating and exercise.
Visit Zion National Park
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
Who's the Smarty Pants?
Make money from my writing
A plain crashed on the border of India & Pakistan where you will burry the survivors?
Saitama tried to change his Facebook password to Goku but Facebook said it was too weak...
The ideal has many names, and beauty is but one of them.
Dreaming or awake, we perceive only events that have meaning to us.
There was a person named Square.What do you think his dance is called?
Visit the Gateway to Hell
My thunder comes before the lightning; My lightning comes before the clouds; My rain dries all the land it touches. What am I?
Ensuring quality higher education is one of the most important things we can do for future generations.
Dining
Why are locomotive drivers so good at driving locomotives? Because they were trained.
A big German and a wee German walking across a bridge. The big German is the wee Germans wee brother but the wee German is not the big Germans big brother, how come?
I envy the happiness of others... I envy the sense of belonging... I seem always to be remaking myself.
BASE jumping
What does a frog where on St.Patricks day?
Why did Trump insist on Hillary Clinton as Secretary of state? He doesn't believe women should get above secretary
There is no such thing as the pursuit of happiness, but there is the discovery of joy.
Scuba dive on the Great Barrier Reef
Life's pretty funny when you're objectively on the outside looking at it.
A boy walks up to a carnival booth and the man at the carnival booth said: If i can write your exact weight on this peice of paper you have to give me $50 if i lose the bet i have to give you $50. How did the boy loose the bet?
What kind of dog can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
Here is my riddle i have a time limit ok..It is friday. The riddle says:The g page is a bit of fun with primates green and gay but tell me where my grandma lived now what more can i say?? Myt eacher said it is not a real place and he said this word id close:Gouguich.I have to change two letters HELP ME PLEASE!!!!
Our worldly successes cannot be guaranteed, but our ability to achieve spiritual success is entirely up to us, thanks to the grace of God. The best advice I know is to give is to give those worldly things your best but never your all - reserve the ultimate hope for the only one who can grant it.
Why did the athlete take cold medicine? To stop his runs.
To avoid ignorance and bullying, I've had to hide the fact that I'm a troll. You have no idea how much time and money I've spent on electrolysis and hair dye and reconstructive surgery so I can look like this.
Explore a Ghost Town
What's a balloon's favorite genre of music? Pop.
Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.
Poor people have it, Rich people need it. What do they need?
"If you are interested enough in the climate crisis to read this post, you probably know that 2 degrees Centigrade of warming (or 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit) is the widely acknowledged threshold for ""dangerous"" climate change."
It's the spelling, not the reading. It's the letters, not the words. It's the kitten, not the cat. It's the puppy, not the dog. It's small, but not big. It's the tree, not the branches. It's the guessing, not the knowing! What is significant in these statments?
what dries the more it gets wet
Finish a race
No institution can possibly survive if it needs geniuses or supermen to manage it. It must be organized in such a way as to be able to get along under a leadership composed of average human beings.
Our parents are obviously proud, but they're still trying to get used to the fact that we're in a band. I have a feeling my mom would actually like One Direction if I wasn't in it!
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
I am frozen to the bone, and there is no life left in me, yet if you find me, I will tell you all about myself. Who am I?
I look forward to a great future for America - a future in which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint, its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose.
What's my New Year resolution? Well, I just got a Hi-Def TV, so it's 1920 X 1080i.
There is beauty when something works and it works intuitively.
You are in a square room with no windows and you only have a table and a mirror in the room. how do you get out?
i can go by train from me to georgia, but i cant go from a train to georgia to here why ?
I was very famous as a young man and I celebrated both the good and bad times with drinking.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" Says the first. "Moo!" says the second
As a small business owner for the last 15 years, when I think of what truly changed my life, it was my faith, a strong family, my mom did a really, really good job of encouraging me in very clear and discernible ways.
Visit Lake Eyre
Wise man once say... He who runs in front of car will get tired, He who runs behind car will get exhausted.
A man walks out of a building, he sees a wanted poster, says brothers and sisters i have none, this man's father is my father son. who is the man on the wanted poster?
Absolutely lonely people have few personal interactions of any kind.
Go glamping
How do you catch a unique rabbit? *unique* up on it!
In third grade, I was taking tap-dance lessons, and about six weeks before the recital I wanted to quit. My mom said, 'No, you're going to stay with it.' Well, I did it, and I was bad, too! But my parents never let their kids walk away from something because it was too hard.
The part of the bird, that is not in the sky. It can swim in the ocean, and always stay dry.
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't.
The President's speech suggested to me that were we to follow his leadership, we will be in Iraq not for months, but for years. I also hope I am wrong on this.
I'm thought of as a cool, unemotional dancer, but inside I'm not.
Jerry took a bath with bubbles, but he is very dirty. Why?
Skimboarding
Visit the Sea of Trees
A mother gave birth to twin boys, but they were born in diffant years and on diffant days. And no, they are not part of 2 sets. How is this possible?
I think that all the anger and cynicism comes from suppressing things that we always wanted.
A rich person doesn't need it A poor person has it And if you eat it you will die What is it?
Because I would give it all back to have my health.
What's the best way to capitalize on an opportunity? ON AN OPPORTUNITY
everyrightthing
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
Owning a home is a keystone of wealth - both financial affluence and emotional security.
What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano? Oh, you guessed it right ... the tuna fish!
Every artist writes his own autobiography.
Lomography
Viocless it cries,Wingless it flutters,Toothless bites, mothless mutters. What am I?
I'm as small as an ant, as big as a whale. I'll approach like a breeze, but can come like a gale. By some I get hit, but all have shown fear. I'll dance to the music, though I can't hear. Of names I have many, of names I have one. I'm as slow as a snail, but from me you can't run. What am I?
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.
I had a daughter who was 9 years old and I had the feeling I wasn't going to be a real parent if I didn't quit making movies for a while and spend time with her. I also felt that I'd made enough movies and said what I had to say at the time.
Go on a cocktail tour of New York City
1 11 21 1211 111221 312211 13112221 1113213211 What number comes next?
what question can you never say yes to you must always say no?
Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae School
Waking up with a bad head in the morning is difficult sometimes.
spider weaves has no eyes yet can see?
When is the month when the most trees fall? Sep-timber
How can you physically stand behind your father while he is standimg behind you?
I've never seen an obese person who has said, 'I am well in my mind.' Happiness stops food being a compensation.
Why arent koalas actual bears? They dont meet the koalafications.
I've never had a divorce, but I've seen so many of my friends, my sister, my family go through that stuff, so I try to write for the people that can't write about it. I take on their sorrow, so I'm able to kind of express it, or their joy.
Field hockey
You speak to me, But you are talking to someone else, What am I?
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
Sex education is legitimate in that girls cannot be taught soon enough how children don't come into the world.
Don't be afraid of your dreams.
Visit the Chapel of Bones
What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
it is ssaid that in this establishment a handshake and 25,000 bucks turned a group of wild "horses"loose on a field,give me its name.
Going to the movies was a big event in my youth. My father would be the initiator - he'd have me put on a jacket to see a film.
Scrapbooking
Attend the Henley-on-Todd Regata